be less irritable

I can’t believe how bad I’ve let myself get. It’s not even like I mean to do it, the irritability has become like a second nature. The little things frustrate me sooooooo much, and when people bother me when I don’t want to be bothered it’s like I get so angry and I can feel it in my chest. I don’t understand it and why it’s such a damn problem. Why can’t I just mellow out and go with the flow? That would be extremely useful in every aspect of my life! Work, friends, family…. my father does the same thing, I inherited his temper and irritability. Grrrr!

...and most of the time I know they shouldn’t. But then I get even worse because someone gets annoyed back at me because of it, or they stay completely calm and basically tell me to get over it.
These are just the most recurring things.
1. My nephews running around in my room. (I know, kids will be kids. Most people have to deal with someone rummaging through their private things, but it still drives me crazy.)
2. Hearing my mother’s parrots talk constantly, bang on the cage with their beaks and wistle. (At first, they’re alright, and kind of cute. But after a while ..it’s probably been way over eight years.. it gets difficult to deal with. People who don’t have to deal with them so much just love them, then they look at me like I’m crazy when I say I hate the little beasts.)
3. Stepping barefoot on crumbs/tiny rocks/bits of wood/cat food/etc. on linoleum or wood floors. (It doesn’t hurt, but I can’t stand it. It sticks to my feet and every time you take another step I get more. I know I should just get a broom and clean the mess up, but my temper is quicker than my logical thinking, apparently.)

So, this is something I have got to work on!

I recently bought an iPod. It wasn’t something that I had been deperately wanting, but I’m going on a long trip soon with 3 other people and I’m hoping that when everything gets too much and I’m becoming irritable that I can put in the earphones and just escape from everyone for a while.

Sometimes I think the answer to being less irritable is to stop caring so much. People irritate me often because they say things that I perceive as stupid or arrogant. I often feel (perhaps misguidedly) that I have some sort of duty to make them see reason (or what I consider to be reason). I’ve found lately that if I’m talking to someone who irritates me, then it helps to choose not to care about them or what they’re saying. Then I can smile politely and nod a few times and hope that the conversation ends quickly.

At the end of March next year, after my contract teaching English ends, I’m heading off on a trip with 3 friends. First Japan, then China, then the trans-Siberian to St-Petersburg via Mongolia. Then Budapest and Vienna. Then home to Perth!

The problem with this is that it will be a good 2.5 months in very close company with people, some of whom I get on better with than others. I am going to have to carefully plan some strategies for dealing with my irritation otherwise things could get bitter and ruin the trip. I think that if I can get through the entire trip with no major problems and with friendships still intact I will be able to feel that I can mark this goal as completed.

I am worried though. I don’t trust myself and my quick temper.

I’m really not good at this one. I got really irritated on the weekend- no, not irritated, angry- because a friend who often does silly things did something incredibly stupid. I was so angry that I was slightly speechless and didn’t really say anything to her… so luckily I didn’t end up saying something I would later regret. I just concentrated on rectifying the situation she’d got us into. However, the whole thing really reminded me that I am really not getting any less irritable. I don’t know what to do about becoming a calmer, more laid-back person.

The other day, someone was pissing me off. I was trying to help him with something and he was being pathetic and making me feel under-valued. So I did what I often do in this situation, I wrote him a rude and slightly hurtful email so I could vent my frustration. BUT, instead of clicking “send”, I clicked “save as draft” so that I could decide later if I still wanted to send it. When I came back to look at it later, I decided that I was completely over-reacting and that it would be a very mean thing to send. I wasn’t irritated anymore by his behaviour and I was glad that I hadn’t sent something that I would regret later.
I need to figure out a way of doing this in real life (as opposed to online life). I need to have some inner “save as draft” button that I can click when something annoys me so that I can stop myself from over-reacting.

i’m not sure if i’m getting at all close to achieving this goal or not. i’m definitely getting better at HIDING my irritation, but i still get irritated very easily. i somehow think that hiding my annoyance isn’t really what i want- i want to not be annoyed in the first place. how do you stop yourself from being irritated?

i like to think that i am a tolerant sort of person, and i am in terms of race, religion, sexuality and in all other left-wing, arts-student ways, but i don’t extend this tolerance to the people immediately surrounding me. i have a very short fuse when it comes to little, petty things that annoy me. i tend to get grumpy way too easily. i am starting to realise that if i really am going to describe myself as tolerant, i need to start with the people in my own life and turn my “tolerance” as an abstract concept into a solid reality. this is hard for me. but it’s hypocritical to critise religious intolerance and then snap at a kid who accidentally spills milk or get annoyed with someone who doesn’t agree with my way of thinking.

But, I’m still tryin.

sigh