hard to be clueless (not devastating, but at least uncomfortable). If you know me, you know that I’m a naturally awkward person with very little common sense.

Here is the background: for years, I had streamlined my interactions with potential partners: I would develop strong crushes on a single person, not do anything about it, let it wear out over time, and restart the cycle. But things changed. First, I started having crushes at several people at a time. This was uncomfortable, but still manageable (since, well, I wasn’t doing anything about it anyway). But then, they started asking me all this stuff… to hang out with them, go have dinner, go to shows and what not. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy doing all these as friends; yet I’m confused because I don’t quite know if anything is expected of me (for example, to show any feelings, for or against… so far I have been the perfect robot that I am).

I’m not sure why I’m telling you all this… maybe to get some feedback from people who are not as self-centered as I am, or maybe to relieve some of the guilt (of things I have done or not done). The outcomes I really dread are: 1) taking a friendship for something more and ruining the friendship, or 2) taking something more for a friendship and messing up someone’s (including my own) feelings.

If I’m not making any sense at all, tell me that too; it’d be helpful. 9 months ago