control my anger

take a while.

I’ve tried to be more aware of this the past few days, and to not be so reactive. When something happens I’m trying to let it go, instead of letting it get to me. I’m also trying to get out of my habitual thinking ruts – trying to practice compassion more when a stranger is doing something annoying, instead of just viewing him/her as an annoyance.

Got really angry at someone today… really really angry.. guess I need to try harder =(

I don’t take anger out on others and I don’t break things, but I know I have an issue with anger. I get easily frustrated when things don’t work (for example, when my laptop is working too slow), and I’ll feel so enraged in a matter of seconds.

The ways my anger does manifest itself are for me to start swearing a lot, yelling to release my frustration, and sometimes hitting an inanimate & unbreakable object (like my bed, etc).

I really need to find healthy outlets for my stress. I also think I need to change my mindset – to learn to let go of things and not be such a perfectionist, to not expect the world to work a certain way. I think meditation can help me become less reactive, exercise can be a good stress release, and nurturing and strengthening my relationships and social support can help a lot.

The info on this site really helped me understand some of the unhealthy mindsets I have, and made me realize I need to change some things:
http://www.apa.org/topics/controlanger.html

It was never about conrolling, it was about releasing. I have released a lot of my anger and now I have a better ability to deal with annoyance and frustration without reacting emotionally.

I never show my anger, but I certainly feel it inside!. I get so angry at my parents for never listening to me, the fact I didn’t finish school, and how slow it seems people are at understanding me. I’m impatient, and an Aries…need i say more ? lol

now that kiley is out of my life, i have realized i don’t have very much anger. i’m not an angry person. whoever i was when i was with kiley is not who i am now. i don’t have much anger to deal with, but what i do have stems from jealousy. so far, so good, though. i was irrational once with TP, but he called me out on it, and it made it a lot better. he was at my house, had been for a while, and we were just watching tv and hangin out. he decided it was time to go meet up with a few of his buddies, and i was upset he was willing to leave me. i walked him out to his car, but was being pouty. when i said “you don’t have to leave, you know” he said something about me liking to use guilt trips to my advantage, and i was like omg thats exactly what i’m doing this needs to stop. after that one day, i have felt a bit jealous some nights when he wants to go hang, or start drinkin at like 11, or whatever after he hangs with me, but i talk myself through it. i tell myself that things are way different now than anything i’m used to, and its a really good thing. i need to chill out. hes the type of guy that you can’t hold down, and i don’t want to anyways. hes got his friends, whom i am meeting most of, and he needs his man time. i like how free-spirited he is, and i don’t want to try to control anything. i actually try to enjoy the time we have apart, missing him, as it makes seeing him that much better.

Yesterday we asked our neighbor to limit the noise level. He was renovating at 23:15 and we couldn’t sleep. His answer was that he didn’t care because he’s in his house and he’ll make all the noise he wants. It made me so mad I spent an hour trying to find a good way to retaliate, which I know isn’t the solution.
I also get mad at people who drive like they own the streets and don’t care about other people’s safety. I think about my daughter in the baby seat and I wish they just lost their licences.
I get mad at the lady next door who washes her concrete backyard with fresh water everyday, completely ignoring the environmental issues.
The problem is that I live in a big city, I see these things daily and it’s ruining my mood. I wish I didn’t care so much. It just doesn’t help.

The best guage is when I asked S. if she noticed how much better I was doing. She responded immediately that my control was much better. I’m not perfect and I won’t say I don’t get angry, or very frustrated, but the way I express it and the way I let it make me feel and react I have much more control over. By consciously choosing my responses, I have created a way to see the whole picture and relative value of whatever I was upset about. I am even more sensitive to those around me who react out of anger (and there are a lot of them). Some I can talk to and help them put their reaction into context to the aggravation, others I can only stand aside and say “There but for the grace of fates…”

My dad has always been concerned about my temper and how I treat my siblings, so I want to make him stop worrying about me and my siblings. So I am getting some anger management books at the library and working through them. Wish me luck~