see myself as beautiful

I have had to see myself through the eyes of another person. I wish that I could see what he really sees because what I see is not so good…I am, however, working on it. I wish that I could see myself as confident, beautiful, and desirable in his eyes, but what I see staring back at me is uncertainty of if I am worthy.

I hate that look. I see myself give it to me everyday.

It is kind of like that Miranda Lambert song, “More Like Her”. It feels like there are so many other girls in his life, and that he is comparing them all. I want to be at the top of his list…the only one on the list…but I don’t know if I will ever be. “She’s beautiful in her simple little way…” is how that song begins. The whole point of this song is that she compares herself to the other girl…which is exactly what I am doing right now.

I can’t help but think, “I guess I should have been more like that….I guess I should have been more like her.” Just like Miranda sings.

I want to see my worth in the guy’s eyes with whom I end up. See that there is no other “her”. That he is not comparing me. That I’m enough. I want to know that I am enough. I want to see me as beautiful to him…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6eEG3T5mjLQ

on this goal have come in. I am exercising. I am working hard on losing the weight. And I read an entry by Fransmeister that made me realize that average girls are beautiful too. I love his entry on his goal of giving everyone a fair chance. I wish that every guy had the gumption that this guy has. I love, love, love that entry, and it singlehandedly (one or two words?) made me feel worthwhile. Well…it made me feel good, and dang, I needed to read that tonight!

Thanks Fransmeister!

that I am working on this goal. I have decided to lose that weight that I have been wanting to lose. I want it so badly that it is ridiculous! I am seeing myself as a grown up and not so much this akward fat girl that I have been all these years. I am growing into a beautiful woman, at least this image is forming in my mind. Losing this weight will not make me just gorgeous, but it will help me form a healthy self image on the outside as well as inside of myself.

I’m definitely working on this…

It’s hard to see myself as beautiful when everything around me is telling me i’m not. And no i’m not blaming the media. I mean just hearing friends comment of “that girl is beautiful” or “omg. i wish she was mind” and then see that these girls are the complete opposite of what i am; makes me see i’m not beautiful. And then instead of makeing changes or wanting to improve; i’m drawn further into a type of depression that makes me not want to do anything since I know i’ll never be the dream girl.

This morning I woke up to a text message from my best guy friend Kevin that said, ” You are beautiful, smart, and fun. Don’t ever change.” I was like, “Wow”. What a great way to wake up. The only thing is that I cannot see myself this way. Beauty for me is something I must reach out to acquire. I often ask myself what it is that Kevin sees in me that is beautiful. What is it that makes him say this? I really just want to see myself through his eyes just once.