not be afraid of people

I’m afraid of people. Whenever I see anyone sitting down or hanging out in a social situation, I just want to walk away or avoid them. Unless I already know them, and even then it’s awkward, and I just want to leave as quickly as possible, because I’m afraid they hate me or are evil or otherwise are going to screw me over.

I have few friends, so most weeks I just do nothing and wish I could be around people but there are no people around so it ends up being pretty depressing. I’ve been staring at walls a lot for the last couple years. It’s odd because I used to be quite friendly, I think I got somehow more screwed up in my first relationship and after the subsequent divorce.

The odd thing is I don’t mind public speaking at academic conferences or talking to people at work. It’s people in particular when I can’t verify their trustworthiness that I’m afraid of, crowds don’t bother me, and neither does it bother me if I’m in a group of people so long as there’s one friend who I can talk with.

I want to get over this so I can stop being lonely and depressed, and so my whole life doesn’t slip by with nothing at all happening, because somehow when I’m alone I have no initiative to do anything. Which is also weird as I used to do tons of things like skiing and outdoors activities.

I think it’s key to be free in myself, have my energy and emotions freely flowing, and just react spontaneously and boldly without thinking too much or being afraid, and then the social interaction seems to come out well on my side.

I tried this on the phone the other day with someone. Often, especially when the other person is a bit awkward or worried or thinking a lot, I get awkward too, and even though I try not to behave awkwardly, I still feel awkward inside and it feels like an effort. But this time I didn’t react to it from the other person, I just ignored it, didn’t let it affect me and maintained a free, not worried, ok kind of feeling inside which stayed natural and easy.

I’ll keep practicing this whenever I’m in this sort of situation.

This is starting to happen.

I recently invited out someone whom I didn’t really like so much the first time I met her. But then she called the other day, actually to ask my husband something, and I just decided to invite her out for a coffee even though I knew she’s not that interested in me, and it was sincere and didn’t feel forced. I want to be more active with people without worrying about things so much. Plus, in relation to my “not take things so seriously goal” – I wanted to not take so seriously the stuff that had irritated me before and that I had taken seriously. I was totally relaxed and not afraid and just easy going, let’s have a nice time, no pressure and no expectations from her, and it was actually fun and she said at the end that she had a nice time. I’m definitely getting better at this. yay

Just consciously making the intention not to be afraid of people has made a really big difference in my interactions with others. I’m also more secure inside myself about who I am and what I want to do with my life, which also helps. I’m more clear about the things I like about me and the things I like/like doing. Things in the past that used to still disturb me don’t disturb me anymore. I feel much more in the present. I’m now more outgoing and active about reaching out to others and building up contact. I’m still a bit shy though, it would be good if I could get rid of that.

For me, not being afraid of people would be something huge in terms of overcoming my past. I think I’m already on the way to getting there with goal no. 3 (learn more about people). Being happy with myself, another goal, is also linked. If I’m really happy and ok with myself, then I’ll also be ok with other people as they are and ok with many different types and will be able to talk to them more easily.