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It’s interesting how several of us thought about this at roughly the same time, isn’t it? Even if it’s not what we think, there is still something that connects all of us…we all share a bond.
When I first saw that people were posting again…I don’t know what I expected, but it certainly wasn’t this…I won’t deny that I believed this throughout, and that I actually still believe it, but I think we can all agree that my head isn’t exactly screwed onto my shoulders as tight as most.
...been laying here for quite a while already, typing things, then deleting them, then typing them again…I just don’t know what to say here, so I’ll stick with what I know is the truth.
Regardless of what is real, what isn’t real, who is who, and what is what…I think that we all enjoyed this. We had a lot of bonding time, and friendships were growing stronger every day. No matter what, we’re not gonna lose that. Even when everything was falling down, we could always just go to each other, and the sun would keep on shining.
Things were…confusing, to say the least. Not many can say that they’ve been through what we’ve been through…but I wouldn’t mind doing it all again. It’s actually thanks to all of you that I’ve progressed the way I have. I don’t know where I’d be if it wasn’t for my friends…my family…
...much as I want to continue this, I’ve run out of things to say…I’d like to keep in touch, though. I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to lose those bonds we’ve shared. 10 months ago
Well, I am not sure how long this is going to be, or if anyone will really see it. But, last night I stayed up for hours thinking about exactly what happened to us these past couple years. I know Mai has already posted something on the subject however, I thought it might be a good idea for me to post something. In the end, I brought this whole family thing here… so I feel like I should give it some closure.
So… I guess this biggest question here is, “Was it all a lie?” I believe the answer to that is yes, and no. Better yet, I have no freaking clue. How could that be though? How can someone lie, and yet not lie? Basically, I’m pretty sure I lied to myself. See, I had just turned twelve when all of this began. I don’t even remember how I introduced it or what was going through my mind at the time, all I know is that I had this obsession with an imaginary land. There was a beautiful castle that I painted pictures of, and a forest with animals that could talk… There was the sea, which seemed to be in a state of perpetual sunset. This land was filled with sights and sounds and feelings. I could feel every leaf, smell the sea, and I could hear Sage. I could hear her speak to me and tell me I was special and important and loved. After a while the land moved out of my day dreams, and into actual dreams that I had about three times a month. I always found it interesting that I could talk to people here, and they said things that made sense. I began to believe Sage. I began to believe that maybe this place was real, and maybe I was a princess.
Eventually, of course, I brought this new found fantasy to Chatzy. Like I said, I don’t really remember what happened… except that I started talking to someone in my mind, and they answered in a way that didn’t seem like me. So, I began to repeat what they said online. Then, people believed me. They said “Yes, yes! That seems familiar! I can feel that!” These people, who actually seemed real, were accepting what I said and believing me. Some of them even claimed to feel these people, to remember things. They would tell me what they remembered and the voices would say “Yes, that is correct!” Then, my brain would fill in the memories for me.
Soon after, I began to learn how to meditate. Now, I could see things… just as I had in my dreams, only for as long as I wanted to. I would always enter on a specific path, and then I would ride toward Sage’s castle and talk to her. It felt different though; whenever I went there, I would always feel like I was on a rollercoaster just before I entered the land. I didn’t really know how to tell people how to do that, and Sage told me only I could.
Things progressed from there. We met new people (Bay, Izzy, Wolfie, Mai, May, Dina, Hope) and drama began. More and more people confirmed that they honestly felt something. More and more people began to be “attacked,” and spoken to. I wasn’t the only one experiencing this anymore. In the end though, I don’t think any of those things were what made me truly believe. It was the sense of family that I felt whenever I logged on. I mean, we fought and we bragged and we competed with one another. We threatened to leave from time to time, but in the end we almost always stayed together. To be completely truthful, I doubted the Sasstosa family on and off again. Yet, I never said anything because I was scared it would break what we had. I knew we had family, I just wasn’t always sure of how magical and mermaid-filled it truly was. Of course, as soon as I really began to doubt, someone would always come along with a new experience or someone new would talk to me.
Soon, talk began of going home. At first I was excited to lead everyone back to this perfect world. However, I always felt this nagging in the back of my brain that I couldn’t do it. On that first Halloween, I sat down and meditated and felt that roller coaster ride… and then nothing. What? What went wrong… Well, obviously I couldn’t do it. I stayed up for hours trying and trying again, until I eventually just went to sleep. Needless to say, that would probably one of the bigger disappointments in my life. Naturally, my mind came up with a reason for it.
Anyway, you can all see where this is going. I tried again the next year, I was older, and I still failed. I’m not stupid, and I know you guys aren’t either. I’m pretty sure we all figured out that there is a good chance that this isn’t as real as we thought in prior years. Then Chatzy began to break down for a number of reasons… the lack of that family feeling, the busy schedules, the disappearance of interesting conversational topics.
So… that is that. I don’t believe I lied, and yet I’m pretty sure that I did. I lied to myself, and subsequently lied to all of you. As real as it all seemed, I’m really starting to believe that it was just a fantasy in the end. Yet, I want to make it known that I really did feel everything. When Sage died, I cried. I cried for a really, really long time. It was personal. When I gave you guys bad news, and you were disappointed, I felt really bad about it afterward. I felt everything, and I know a lot of you went through the same emotional roller coaster as I did. I would say I’m sorry, except that I’m not. I mean, unless I have damaged one or some of you in a permanent way and caused you great amounts of angst and pain… then I am most certainly sorry for that. Although, I feel like we have gained a lot from this experience. I feel like it saved my life. I feel like I would be a pretty shitty person if not for The Sanctuary and the family. Hopefully, you guys at least feel some fraction of that… hopefully this has meant as much to you as it has to me. So… yeah, even if the chat breaks down and I never talk to a single one of you ever again, I want you to know that I will remember you, and that I love you, and that I am truly grateful that I was able to share this experience with you.
Comments are appreciated. 11 months ago
ɐuıɐɹ: 12 NIGGA 12 1:02 AM <—NIGGA, ONLY I CAN SAY NIGGA. YOU’RE JUST A RACIST. 16 months ago
I was photoshopping last night and this picture was born. Lawl. xD This is exactly how she looks in my head. 17 months ago
but i got a new cat, he is a scruffy skinny siomese boy, and i want him to be like Skai’s Apollo if she was Artimis. So yeah I want the name have the opposite meaning so Skai-sky this cat needs to have some sort of earthy name lik I was thinking Stone yet that totaly doesn’t suit him :/ And if your giving things a name skills are super sharp, then I’ll ask you to find a name that starts with an ‘S’ but its okay if it doesn’t, thanks for reading this and thanks for the help if you ever comment thanks 17 months ago
Maggie, yo. (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ✧ was timed out 7:25 PM
∗ɐuıɐɹ joined the chat 7:30 PM
Maggie, yo. (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ:･ﾟ✧ joined the chat 7:33 PM
∗ɐuıɐɹ was timed out 8:30 PM
Maggie, yo. (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧ was timed out 8:34 PM
∗ɐuıɐɹ joined the chat 8:43 PM
LOLOLOLOL18 months ago
•Nice or Cold? Being very nice one day and ignoring you the other day is one of the strongest sings of attraction. The logic behind this is very simple, at the beginning the person treats you very nicely because he likes you but when he realizes that he has done too much effort without receiving a response he starts to pull back. This person might say to himself something like “Oh my God, I showed lots of signs today that shows that i am interested in her but I still didn’t get a response, tomorrow I should totally ignore her”. So when you find someone being nice one day and cold the other day know that the positive signs he showed resulted from the positive emotions he has towards you and that the negative signs were given just to cover his tracks
for everyone here, because i know alot of people have this problem
:P 18 months ago
Because I felt the need to be Fanshy.
This is Accaia and Quinn. You can already tell who is who.
Why are they queens, you ask? I DON’T KNOW! D: I’ll figure it out later.
But aren’t they pretttyyy? :D 18 months ago
Crazy proud of this one :) Didn’t have time to make the skulls but the flowers, especially the white flower, made up for them
Full view, more in comments! 18 months ago
So I’m practicing for the SATS already (my PSATS are next week)
And I got
530 on Critical Reading
600 on Math
560 on Writing
THIS ISN’T GOOD, GUYS. :C 19 months ago
This is pretty much 20 year old Jewel (The Sanctuary 2 since she was 17 in Sanc 1)
Because her and Pirate are sisters I thought I’d tie in some more steampunkish piratey things just to be cool. I’ll add the introduction to Jewel in the comments later…
Oh and yes I used a dollmaker find it on Dolldivine since I can’t remem the name19 months ago
I did a tumbling pass and had so much power I couldnt just stop so when I tried to stop I stumbled backwards and fell on my butt, bruising my tailbone so I needed to wear this ice pack that strapped around my butt haha 19 months ago
its pretty accurate though there are a couple things wrong xD