I’ve gone 3 times. I feel good about this. I am calming down a little. 4 weeks ago

I am starting to feel a little less fear about it
I don’t usually go partway; I usually go all out
I giess I am thinking “what do I want to do”
Do I want to go all out, like usual
or is there any middle ground
And why am I doing jiu jitsu
To prove something?
For something to do?
Why?

devo andare al massimo encora
encora?
io sono qui
ma
vivere o niente 2 months ago

I am finding myself wanting to go again 3 months ago

I remember now why I didn’t want to go back to the comp classes, that being because today after rolling with a brown belt 230+ pounder yesterday, I am very sore in shoulders, neck, feel overall beat up. There’s no way around it, I had to roll with him, and I couldn’t complain, but I am paying the price today. 8 months ago

sick of obsessing over it
Actually I am sick of having obsessive thoughts, about this and about any other subject
I am thinking of trying something new
a new sport
or just working out?
these feelings come and go
I just don’t want to do it anymore
what can I do 9 months ago

We went over basic things from my sweep DVD.
We also went over some basic things from wrestline. I don’t like wrestling but I think if you do the drills over and over, it will get easier and more pleasant. It was overall a good experience; I enjoyed my time there. I was there from 8:30 am to 11:15 am. 9 months ago

It was pretty good
I tried not to overthink it 10 months ago

it was pretty good
I took my atama kimono to the cleaners to have patches sewn on
it’s been 5 years since I did that
it is to display a commitment to the school 10 months ago

past 2 weeks 11 months ago

I do not care about jiu jitsu right now. This goal will still be on my 43t list, but I feel little interest in pursuing it now. I got tapped out in a roll today and I didn’t really care. I didn’t fight my way out of it. The person who tapped me out has surpassed me. I used to beat this person with regularity. This person practices regularly and has motivation where I do not.
Time to stop (at least for a while). 12 months ago

or 1-1 12 months ago

I just am not liking jiu jitsu now. I am thinking about quitting or putting all my bjj stuff away (though it is a main theme in my athletic clothing which is most of my off work wardrobe. F this. But then again I hear people (and me) saying “don’t give up.” We all have frustrating days. But four years of mostly bad days? It’s usually not bad when I am practicing it. The mental part is what gets me. The obsessive thoughts about the people involved (personalities over principles) and the gear and who is doing what. It’s like the mental aspect has eclipsed actually doing the sport. Not happy with this.
I have to do it all or nothing. This attitude hurts me. I need to quiet my mind.
Things have flaws. I have flaws. I am ok. I have to make me be ok. 12 months ago

I got very frustrated today because I couldn’t get the moves being taught, and I stopped caring/trying. I left early. I felt low all day. However I have decided to focus on what I am trained in and am a “black belt” in, that is, my job. I am listening to continuing ed. I don’t think that’ it’s too conceited to say I’m a black belt in (my profession), because people often say the black belt in jiu jitsu or judo is the beginning of the real learning. I am still learning my profession but I have a lot more self confidence in my it than I do in jiu jitsu.
This is an attempt to feel better and not do something self destructive (which I thought a lot about doing today). 12 months ago

and I submitted a guy using the chokes I have been learning over the past 2 years! I never submit anyone! Well very rarely anyway, and even more so because I so rarely roll. So that was great! 13 months ago

“Pain is temporary. It may last a minute, or an hour, or a day, or a year, but eventually it will subside and something else will take its place. If I quit, however, it lasts forever.”
- Lance Armstrong

Comments like this make me stay in bjj when I would have quit a long time ago, i.e. the (self imposed) shame of quitting

I did go today and it was good, mostly women there 13 months ago

I have secured 2 spots for an upcoming bjj seminar next week. This ahould be really cool, if I do not get overcome with social anxiety. I am going to invite my husband.

“Not the past, not the future, life is now.”

EDIT was overcome by social anxiety and flatulence, did not go and didn’t get my money back :-( 14 months ago

to my lesson. We did flowing rolling. It was enjoyable. 14 months ago

I was anxious but after it was all over I am glad I did it and got some exercise and social interaction. I also learned something when rolling which is that I should not assume the other person knows how to defend safely. By one of my movements, I caused someone to roll on her ankle in a way that caused a little pain (I thought she would know not to roll that way but she didn’t). I could have handled that differently and rolled her another way. She was not injured, but lesson learned for me. I suppose this is part of being a “senior” member of the team. 15 months ago

we did arm drags
I am tired 16 months ago

We continued on what we had been working on (the back) 16 months ago

to a class tonight, which I liked. We went over some basic stuff from when your opponent tries the back sweep. 16 months ago

I enjoyed it. We did answer the phone armbar escape and stack guard pass, and, another break/pass where you bend your partner into a C. 17 months ago

and enjoyed it. We went over how to get the back. 17 months ago

we went over chokes from the back
I am still looking at what is my goal in doing jiu jitsu
– be badass
– exercise
– learn “human chess”
– meet people and make friends
– ? 17 months ago

but at least I went. I had a good lesson. Then I stayed for the small class. I got tapped out a couple of times. I don’t practice enough to get much better. I’m about the same as I was a few years ago. 17 months ago

I went and I didn’t really like it. It is to some degree because I am not getting better and people around me (who actually go to practice) are getting harder to handle (improving). It made me frustrated. Of course what can I expect…. 18 months ago

I wonder if spending 1-2 hours a night doing jiu jitsu (or some other exercise) is “worth doing.”I could spend that time doing yoga or stairmaster. I sure need the exercise (I am over my ideal weight) and the antidepressant effect / anti rageful effect of exercise.
So how to spend my time?
Do I want to do it at the gym or in jiu jitsu?
I think the gym is worth doing. What about jiu jitsu?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bVjzH-UbP6E

“I think what they’ve done is well worth doing
and they’re doing it the best that they can.
You’re the only one that you are screwing
When you put down what you don’t understand.” KK

also this is a good video

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=9C6nXD0oyAI 18 months ago

too anxious to go tonight 19 months ago

I went to a place I’d never been before and had wanted to try. People were very nice. I will try it again and see how is the vibe. I am so proud of myself for going because all day I dreaded it, but I went. 19 months ago

I had a good experience. I wore my blue gi. 20 months ago