Today morning, I was busy helping mom with getting things ready for a group prayer.
After the prayer session, I was all for a nap.
I was going to lie down, when I realised that I wasn’t really sleepy.
Under usual circumstances, I would have just gone to sleep nevertheless.

But today, it went different.
I wasn’t sleepy. I looked around. It was a pleasant day – cool, not sunny, with a promise of some rain. I had read something last night – made an effort.
And suddenly, I wanted to read.
“At least until I actually doze off, maybe even over my books”, I thought.

And I did (read)!

One Step Forward.
I am proud of not succumbing. :-)

^{I did sleep off after some time, and woke up much later… but just that I didnt succumb ONCE is a joy! And inspiration!}2 years ago

I’m feeling lazy.
I am fresh, can probably go out and do anything….but I dont ‘feel’ like opening my books to read..
Its like there is this passive resistance to go open my books.
I know once I open my books, I will read – at least until my next break, when again I dont ‘feel’ like opening my book.
Any amount of rationalising and ‘realising my situation’ doesnt help.

So, I’m gonna play(!!) for 10 minutes sharp, and then, I am going to open my book and just read read read for 1 hour.
And it doesnt matter how much syllabus I cover. But this is what I’m going to do now.

Update:
Plan backfired slightly. Spent more time running behind the ball and retrieving it from nooks and corners rather than actually playing. :-(
Anyway, gotta go read now.
Hmmmm! 2 years ago

It is avoidance !

And this overthinking, its just a symptom…

I have no idea what is it that I’m trying to avoid though…

There is one thing… my most important goal right now is preparing for a challenging exam, which involves long hours of studies over months. ^{Which by the way, I’ve come nowhere near achieving..}

Its a mammoth task… I cant see myself swimming over this: I see only me struggling…There are two aspects to my fear – one of the arduous task, the other of the long duration… One is challenging enough, both?!!!!!!!!!

Even if I do manage to read well for a day, the next day I feel I am at square one. Each day a struggle, where even 1 day lost is a costly fall….but not vice-versa: 1 day gained funnily doesn’t make me stronger (though I know it probably does)

I have tried to focus on weekly goals, and not on the long term. Still…..I am finding it a tough self-battle.
How do I tackle this????? 2 years ago

I find myself constantly saying “I’m going to do this one day soon” I’m going there one of these days.” Why can’t today be THE day? Like the saying goes, Tomorrow is promised to no one!!!! Why keep waiting?!! 3 years ago

Thinking, planning, thinking, thinking, planning….where is the action??!!! I never seem to be able to actually just do it! I can think about what my problems are, how to correct them, research ways and tools, ask advice, brainstorm with friends….and then when it comes to doing what I’ve decided – flak! No matter how important the goal is! What should I do?!!! :-( 3 years ago