Conquer my eating disorder

I’m 15 just short of 16 now and I’ve been struggling with this disorder since I was 12 or 13..but insecure about food for longer than that. I started off normal but I always felt uglier and taller than other girls and thought a great body really helped but I could never really get a grip on a healthier diet or diet restrictions. When I began to play sports I finally had the grip and was happy that I started to feel healthy and get the body I wanted the right way. Then fast wasn’t fast enough, a flat tummy wasn’t flat enough in 8th grade at 5’6 137 I looked great. that’s my ideal weight because of my medium body frame. but then I started to eat one meal a day like honey bunches of oats cereal or snickers for lunch and cereal for dinner. I was also trying to exercise but I slowly lost it. I hated to exercise and so I stopped and started bingeing in secret. this was all while I was in love with a boy and he really messed me up. That summer I worked on swimming and still tried to restrict myself. I figured I binged so much the only way I could get a grip was to make up for it. 9th grade year I joined teams but I couldn’t get into it and couldn’t control my eating . but towards the end I got into a relationship and starting losing weight and by 10th grade year I was eating healthier and exercising. but I wanted more grip so I played a lot of basketball and ate a little. I broke up with the guy. I got down to 5’6 124 and my parents thought I looked sick and skinny. After I stopped playing basketball I stayed home more and started to gain weight because all the skipping meals and eating very little left me bingeing, miserable and at home. Always the straight a-student I started to miss school because of my binges and was miserable all the time. Now I am 5’6 155 lbs and I am lost this summer in binges. I am moving from Florida to Boston and have been bingeing. It may be emotional..because I manage it better when I’m in a relationship mostly because I want to be better…and I’m better when I’m playing basketball..but I have been to a psychologist this past year and what she said was just don’t do it and if you fall off the horse get back on. It’s more than just emotional it’s related to everything I do what I look like it’s a big deal. I need help but my parents are the ‘just do it’ type of people. I need help..and don’t always know how to ask for it. I strive for excellence and when I let myself go I really do it because when I’m great I’m great. I am never sure of how my day is going becuase I am so dependent on food. Does anyone have any advice..albeit professional help.

I still struggle with image – but my life is a thousand times clearer and happier having forgone the disorder.