I’m not doubting God, no. I’m past that. But I’m doubting myself. I went to Ireland for inspiration. I got just that. I now feel inspired to go serve somewhere else. But I need the funds. I was saying that to a friend this morning. Then I checked my phone. It was a text from my bank. The funds got there today. WTH?! My heart is saying ” I don’t deserve this, why should I have it? It’s definitely a mistake.” I need to investigate this first but if it turns out that these funds are not a mistake, goodness me! What an answer to my prayers!!! 2 days ago

...this time from this morning’s ministry with Jimmy D. He was relating to me his experience in Bolivia… People there are humble and hungry for spiritual food. The picture he painted was beautiful. I could see myself there. Weather close to what my skin needs, nice people, cheaper conditions, a language I can speak,an opportunity to feel more fulfilled spiritually.I am drawn. Is it the next move for me? Time and prayer will tell…
But in the interim I realise that the excitement, fulfillment I’m looking for is right here, not in the places I keep looking… 1 week ago

David defeated Goliath against the odds. Eliab his brother and Saul the king, both big guys, didn’t take up the challenge. They thought David had no chance. But he had a secret weapon. He relied on Jah, the God of the impossible.
To defeat our own Goliath we need to do the same. Rely on the God of impossible. Nothing’s impossible for him. It’s a stupid mistake to rely on our puny selves instead… 1 week ago

There are so many things obscuring the view: man’s achievements, endeavours and brags… It’s all in my face. Like the matrix. A whole contrived world pulled in front of our eyes so we can’t see the truth.
We discover amazing things in nature, laws, principles, beauty, functionality and name them after ourselves. But we only discovered what was already there. We didn’t invent it. Why do we take so much credit for it? What about the creator? Credit should be given where it’s due.
But that’s going against the grain. We’re bombarded with messages deifying our wants, desires, thoughts and discarding God.
To counter this, I’m gonna feed myself more with programmes about nature and the universe than about the puny man. 2 weeks ago

A good job we have regular times to re-group, get re-focused, reset… This world is so full of weapons of mass distraction! Everything to lead you astray…Had a conversation with a friend and something he said reminded me of what I aspired to be and prayed to become as I was growing up: a real man agreeable to God, a force for good but in an understated fashion….
I have stopped praying about that…I have been praying more about my needs and wants… This is out of balance.
Where’s the reset button?

- CLICK – 1 month ago

...that this goal is counter intuitive. You would have thought that being created in God’s image, we would just need to make the effort and we would naturally get closer to God. Well, to some extent yes. But there is more to it. “God’s thoughts are higher than our thoughts” says Isaiah 55:8-9. Human perspective is limited. How can a human get God’s eagle-eye perspective on things? Not by wishful thinking…Not by imagination, not by intuition.
Because I realise that although I am quite happy with my intuition and rely heavily on it in life, it’s misled me in some aspects. I suffer a bit from the thorny soil syndrome (Matthew 13:22).
I want material success perhaps a bit too much. I need to find my balance back so I focus more on being rich toward God rather than rich materially.
Then, as He’s already told me and showed time and time again, He’ll take care of the material things because He knows I need them. (Matthew 6:33, Hebrews 13:5, etc…) 2 months ago

....help comes from unexpected sources…Friends, opportunity through employers, even through banks (reluctantly but it seems its on its way)...my mind is freer to tackle my life’s misalignment with my values. I know I can do it. I have to. Otherwise i wont be growing, I will be dying inside a little more each day….That is NOT my calling. 3 months ago

Every day 4 months ago

Read every day 4 months ago

“Never be anxious over anything but (...) let your petitions known by God…and the peace of God will (...) guard your mental powers”.
At night, everything seems to be worse. ut you pray, then the next day have a fresh look at your situation and even though it’s not great (In my case, behind on rent, short of groceries, tax man knocking at my door, future uncertain, as usual)but it’s not that bad. I have a few pots of little money that will help temporarily. I don’t have to succumb to my tendency of withdrawing from everything and everyone and sulk in my dark cave.
I can still work at organizing my space, becoming uber productive…or at least consistently productive!
Thanks Jah! I feel uplifted! 4 months ago

Psalms 34:8 says that one needs to TASTE and see that God is good. This is not possible by sitting on the fence, seeing from a distance, you have to let him in your life, follow his guidance.
The clean conscience and the other blessings from this are sooooo worth it!
I wish I could do just that, forget about secular work. Spiritual works lifts me up, secular work tends to just take from me…. 6 months ago

Apply Psalms 86:11. Not just know this, but actually do it. Ah, imperfection, quand tu nous tiens! :( 7 months ago

...entries for this goal. I can’t believe how forgetful I am! Reading these was almost like reading someone else’s entries. My memory is really bad. But anyway, I’m glad I’ve had these blessings. Because I have committed them to writing, I can recall them, I can count them so to speak :P

I have to say, I can’t think of a nicer way to draw close to God than to see His hand in my life 7 months ago

...a bit more faith. That would give me more patience. Once again I saw the storm and panicked but help was on the way, I didn’t see the rays of sunshine but here they are. Next week it’s a different ball game, I can breathe again :) 9 months ago

Christ said “never be anxious about the next day for the next day will have its owm anxieties”(Matthew 6:33) It’s so true. What is the point of worrying about today AND tomorrow? All the times I have worried and panicked, the solution presented itself; generally at the last minute. The lesson I get taught over and over again is this: Don’t panic, don’t get mad, don’t cut corners. If you do things God’s way, He will sustain you. Just wait. Again, Christ said God knows what we need and He provides for animals who don’t toil like us and are not as precious as us (Matthew 6:26). He may not give us what we want but He certainly will give us what we need. He has done this for me this week…Unexpected sources of income again…when i need them most :-) 9 months ago

I don’t believe in premonitions but what a dream…
Was with friends and colleagues, they were partying, I was too, actually being a bit naughty..Then something in the atmosphere felt wrong.Next it started to rain giant rocks shaped like snowflakes. Things got destroyed but we survived. Next it felt really hot. We had cats, they congregated inside and gradually seized up like toys out of battery.I went outside and the sun was redder than usual and you could see a solar flare around it. I came back in and everyone was in a state of emergency and leaving the house. We thought “this is Armaggedon”. One of my friends was happy, I wasn’t, thinking about what I had done before, I might be judged unfaithful and not survive…I brushed the feeling off.One of my friends was having difficulties to get out and told me to go. I refused and helped him out. His dad overtook us and said to travel light. He pointed to clothes and a book about Jesus, “the greatest man that ever lived”. Then i woke up in a cold sweat. What a film of a dream! I can see why I dreamt this.Its linked to recent events….But solar flare, giant hard snowflakes??? Come on. And fleeing the house to survive Armaggedon? Nah, thats not how the bible portrays it. I do need to watch out to remain on God’s side though…and travel light…reminds me of Hebrews 12:1-3: putting off every weight so as to run the race to the finish like Jesus. 10 months ago

Got an unexpected blessing last Thursday…I must be doing something right…It’s a goal I set myself and I am a bit late on it but I didn’t actually think I’d get there this year…Right, gotta keep improving to my ultimate goal! 10 months ago

1. When Pharaoh let the israelites go out of Egypt, they were 3 million strong, but God provided for all their needs in the wilderness. From that you can gather where Jesus got that idea of feeding the crowds from, he had a master teacher.
2. When the Israelites came back from deportation, they worked on re building the wall of Jerusalem. It was 3 mile long. They were being ridiculed, threatened, opposed by some neighbouring nations and officials. But they completed the work nonetheless in 52 days.
   The lesson according to the speaker: Their heart was in it (Nehemiah 4:6).
   Same principle for life, work ethic, relationships I think. Give it your all, put your heart in it, no obstacle will be able to stop you.
3. ......Mmmhh….I ain’t got a number 3 yet. I ll look out for one this afternoon and tomorrow :-P

Edit: I got my third: There is actually 3 sides to an argument, the 2 arguing parties’ and Jah’s. He knows the truth and yet forgives each party. So should we…10 months ago

I’d missed a spiritual pick-me-up. This weekend I’ve had just that. Scriptural gem after scriptural gem. Splendid! A couple that stick to mind.

Hebrews 11:6: Jah would not allow us to make sacrifices (obviously the ones He approves off) for Him without a reward. It would be unjust. And he is Justice.

Proverbs 3:5-8: If we walked along and bumped into our best friend, we wouldn’t dream of ignoring him/her. Same goes for God. “In all your ways take notice of him”. It’s easy to go along and do our own thing edging God out. but Edging God Out = E.G.O. Not good 12 months ago

I’m happy. Just need to commit those moments to memory so they can help me when things are not so good. These last few days, it feels I have been offered gifts. Without me lifting a finger (just praying), work opportunities have come (2 day’s worth Early March), free help towards flyer design for my business, and on the creative side, done a comic collaboration which was quite fun, also getting help to learn sight reading and a classical piece (Nocturne, Number 2 by Chopin) in exchange for French lessons. Also switched to a better service that will cost me less with a new branch of my bank. The advisor was really nice and the procedure has been easier than I thought it would be. Now I can start really keeping my finances under control and work towards being a true reflection of my ethic (not just working hard but working smart, doing what I am actually good at and have a little aside for emergencies).
Jah is taking care of me. I need to use the momentum so it carries me through the lows. 15 months ago

I know it sounds real contradictory but there was something I heard that suggested that in order for me to reach this goal, I have to give up on trying so hard everywhere else… I’ll tell more when I remember what triggered that thought. But it does make sense doesn’t it? Trying hard everywhere means you spread yourself thinly. Focussing on one thing as a priority increases the chances of success? What if the salmon was trying to catch the sunlight, chase after possible mates and … I dunno, say to take over the world while trying to go upstream, what are the chances they would make it? Mmh. Better think this analogy through again :P 16 months ago

It’s quite a battle really… Pursuing spiritual and other goals in a very secular society, and coping with the many distractions and challenges inherent to life (as if it wasn’t already enough to contend with, add to that failings like procrastination and it seems almost overwhelming). But I feel I’m getting there.It’s actually quite a simple process:feed your conscience with the right thoughts then heed it when it nudges you as much as possible. Then you get peace of mind, a sense of achievement and you build self respect.Prayer becomes easier. The constant feeling of guilt (due to knowing you haven’t been as good as you would like on so many levels) abates. It’s liberating, inspiring, truly grilliant (great+brilliant), but it’s an ongoing process. Init.

Corr that’s quite a lot of parentheses for one blog…
:P 18 months ago

I’m up then i’m down then up again, down etc.. But I do have my prayers answered.It may sound lame, ridiculous or whatever but I felt quite down today. Reflecting on how uncomfortable I am in this house share where I dont feel at peace, in my profesional situation as well that is rather unstable, and my psoriasis that no amount of medication seems to shift. I felt like staying home,probably feeling sorry for myself, but I prayed for Jah to give me the strength and help me out to see clearly what I should focus on, and open my eyes (Cause when I’m down I have blinkers. I just see the negative, block out the positive for some reason) And he has. I do have great friends who have my back. Talked to a couple, I now am hopeful again. H has got work for me, invited me out for dinner, R has something she thinks will help my condition.S, J and G showed empathy. I could only get that in the space of an hour among God’s people. My problems have not vanished but it does make a huge difference to feel supported! 18 months ago

I’m a pessimist. But I know I have become like that. I definitely haven’t been like that all my life…and I certainely don’t want to be like that all the time or all I will attract is negative things. It’s funny how the things we think of most tend to materialise. If you fill yourself with positive thoughts for long enough, then your life becomes positive. Like Solomon said ” the one with a good heart will have a feast constantly”. Negative thinking is a worthwile habit to break. I must admit I give in to it too much, which is why I am at the point that I am now in my life, feeling rather incomplete, inexperienced, unwise etc…
If only I could monitor my thoughts, my “inner conversation” and “make every thought captive to follow Christ” then I would flush myself out of this incidious self-defeating habit…

The mind is a computer. It processes what you put in it. If you inadvertently let a virus in, it slows you or completely shuts you down. But if you only put good data in and protect yourself from viruses, you get useful work.

Sensible? 18 months ago

Noisy neighbour so not much sleep, I’m grumpy, back to old ways, psoriasis flaring up again, then today met a guy who was adamant there is no God. So fired up he was that he made me think of a televangelist…but with a completely different gospel . He said this concept of irreducible complexity is rubbish, that intelligent design has been proved false… But he wouldn’t even listen to anything. Got his email. Gonna write him something but I doubt he’s gonna take me seriously. I might as well be called Ned Flanders to him. Oh well… This world’s definitely not geared towards helping you to draw close to God is it?

But I shouldn’t let that phase me.
I still have great friends, a roof over my head, food, a job that seems to be going in the right direction, a multiple source of temporary income on top of that so really, I’ve been in much worse situations. God hasn’t forsaken me… 19 months ago

This is definitely worth it! I’ve been showered with blessings these couple of weeks. I know it’s not going to be without trials but coorrr…I’ve rarely felt so peaceful and joyful… I’ve been thanking God daily! 19 months ago

I need to rely on Him more…Stop relying so heavily on my frail and limited self and plug into His unlimited supply of energy, wisdom and love. 21 months ago