Fall in love with a godly man

If I really want this to happen. On the one hand, I really do want a soul mate. I love having a special someone in my life. On the other hand, I’m so darned picky. At the moment, in my life, there really is no one I see as a soul mate, no one I could see myself committed to for the rest of my life. Granted, the rest of my life gets shorter every day and, if I put this goal off long enough, making a rest-of-my-life commitment isn’t going to be anything like the rest-of-their-lives commitments my grandparents made that resulted in 50-plus-year marriages.

But I wonder if maybe I am so picky because I really don’t want this. I’m too selfish. I like being able to travel, to go out with friends, to lay around on a Saturday and let the dust bunnies roll by if I feel like it. Companionship does have its price.

Or perhaps I feel like I need to be perfect before I can have the kind of relationship I want and I know that I am far from perfect, so I fear that what I want is not attainable. I’m not thin enough, sophisticated enough, stylish enough. I know what people say—that if someone really loves you, they will love you no matter what, warts and all. I know that I am willing to love that way and have loved that way. Maybe too much because I tend to accept things I should not accept. And maybe it is true that there are men out there willing to love in the same way and maybe I have never really been loved like that.

Maybe the truth is I am just a big old love-chicken and I have come up with a fortress of rationalizations and excuses to cover up the fact that I am full of fear and cringing and cowardice.

Will someone stop me before I get any deeper into this self-dissection?

I have already fallen in love with a godly man who doesn’t love me. So maybe I should change this to “fall wildly, madly, passionately in love with a godly man who is wildly, madly, passionately in love with me. And who likes to travel.”

Or maybe I’ll just blow this off and go to Greece instead.