Does anyone have small/simple tips for not being a pushover, or any affirmations that I can tell myself every time I notice I’m falling off-track. Thank you! 21 months ago
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How I did it: I tried to understand how I really felt and realised that I was really afraid of rejection. But, I decided to learn to be assertive and to recognise that rejection from people who do not want the best for me is okay. That took a long time cos I wanted to be liked by all and my low self esteem did not help. But, the affirmation I gave to myself and those from others supported me through and I started to practise being assertive and packaging my needs in a way that was tactful and palatable. Am glad to finally made it and in fact..some say I have become fiesty..am glad to stand up for myself :) Read how I did it… 16 months ago
In need of simple tips/steps on how to no longer be a pushover.
Thank you!! 22 months ago
I am too much of a softie. A people pleaser. This week things are really getting to me at work, I realise how much of a big doormat I am being and get dumped with the most work and doing 3 people’s jobs as well as my own.
I also hate that I am an adult and my mother chases me down the phone – it feels like everyone just wants a piece of me, some days I am so pissed off I want to scream my lungs out in a field. I welcome the brief freedom that the weekend offers. Monday is looming and I have to pluck up the courage to tell my manager she fucking sucks! 22 months ago
I don’t know when it happened but I went from extreme social anxiety to being a ball buster… and I couldn’t be happier. 2 years ago
Yes, I finally said what I felt and the outcome is that the other party cannot accept what I really think and feel. Ah..though it was nice to be assertive and be true to myself, I need to accept the fact that not everyone appreciates me being assertive. Some prefer pushovers..after all, they can then get their way. I promise myself that I will be wary of such people who don’t like me being assertive for I am tired of letting others step all over me. Yes, I may lose some friends ..but are they really my friends in the first place? Perhaps not. 3 years ago
How I did it: Start by saying no to SOMETHING. ANYTHING. Don't be such a yes man/woman. They know you are OLD reliable and will drop everything in a hot second to serve their selfish requests (whatever that is)
Warning: you will get some heated responses and accusations of you being the selfish one, they will TOTALLY flip the script and play a heavy guilt trip on you. Just be ready so you will know how to respond. Try something neutral like, I'm sorry that this upsets you. AND NOT I'm sorry, I'm sorry, okay okay I'll do _____. NEVER apologize for your decision, apologize that it upsets them to show empathy. If you apologize for the decision, it makes you look like you feel guilty, and then they have an opening to wiggle through. Be firm. You HAVE to stand your ground and be consistent with it to let them know you mean business. so they won't think if they push buttons eventually they will manipulate you and get their way. Read how I did it… 5 years ago
I’m glad I’m trying though sometimes i dont notice that i’m being a pushover. But when I become aware of it then I try to stop it anyhow. Like… my brother always wants this and that. He has some problems with my cooking always…..anyhow, he wont do the tiniest things for me. So I made him realise it. He made tea and noodles for me…WOW! That was the tastiest tea I ever had just bcos I MADE HIM do it. Even if i had to nag about it!! It’s low, but yea its just a beginning. I have a lot to learn about making ppl treat me in a better way. Bcos that wil make me smile and feel less irritated 3 years ago
Today my friend A crossed the limit. Mine and her families had a trip plan going on since a month, where all the planning and reservation was done by me n my dad. They did nothing. THey didnt give us the money for advance which we paid. TOday they butt in and want to make some minor stupid changes. A calls me up and tells me come home right at this moment. My uncle needs to talk to you. I said NO. I dont want to come to your house. She got angry, saying I’ve no respect for her uncle. AS if I’m his servant to obey his commands as he pleases.
So she tried to show me attitude and cancels all her plans. Now I’m free. I’m going with my own family. I didn’t mean to be rude at all but this was too much. I just felt by the way they were treating me and my dad. They did no work and just made a lot of excuses to look good. My family doesnt know how to be so 2-faced. Rude or whatever I was. But what I did was too less compared to what she did. She has been toying with all my plans according to her own wishes, just sitting comfortably at her house and asking me to come to hers to discuss “things”. When we wanted to talk to them about the planning, her Dad used to not bother. Now when everything is ready, he wants to make me run, discuss and all that shit.
How to deal with people like these? I dont know if he wanted to go in the first place or he was just making a fool out of me and my family!! 3 years ago
Ohhhhhhhhhhhh God!!!Please help me read between the lines.
i was ignoring this girl C because of her stupidities and rubbish behaviour. She had actually confessed me about her lies. Later she did even worse things like shunning me on my face.
Now this girl C has written on Fb – “Believe nothing, no matr wer u read it or who has said it, not evn if I hv said it, unless it agrees wid ur own reasn n ur own common sense.”
>>Is she trying to say that if I dont do things according to her wish, then I dont have any reason or common sense? Is she trying to prove that I’m mad?
And on gtalk status message – “Is apologizin a crime??? Wat a wierd reactn fr a simple sorry… Itz quiet irritatin….”
>>Is she trying to prove that I’m wierd and irritating. Do people generally feel sorry and then get irritated that it was not accepted by someone?
these messages were broadcasted for me. Not a doubt about that. Because she desperately wants me back as her pushover person. What i feel is – irritated, scared, dominated.
How would someone describe her feelings for me? By being judgemental about me, what is she trying to prove?
>>Whatever she did to me was not a big deal according to her. then why is she apologizing? And why is she feeling irritated about her apology not being accepted?
I dont want her meaningless sorry and I dont want her rubbish presence in my life. What should i do?!! 3 years ago