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This is because I’m always complaining about what I wish I had. I dont trust God enough to provide for all of my needs. I keep asking Him for more and then trying to make it happen on my own when I think He isnt doing a ‘good enough’ job making me happy. But in reality, It’s not about me or what I want. It’s about Him and what He knows is best for me. I need to remember this. 5 years ago


I’m being secretive about what this is regarding, but I assure you that my patience has paid off, and it only took a week for him to come around. Okay there, I sort of let the cat out of the bag. It was the most difficult week I’ve had in awhile, but was so worth the end result. 6 years ago

Kellyannbrowngave me a chance to reflect

to be ready to hear what he had to say without acting defensively 8 years ago

Kellyannbrownafter all this time of waiting patiently

I decided that it was finally time to really talk things out.

I really understand his point of view. I don’t think we have two sides to this issue, maybe only one and quarter.

Can I make the changes that are necessary to save our relationship. I don’t know. I am willing to try and it looks like he is not being unreasonable. 8 years ago

Kellyannbrownwaiting is hard

it’s hard not to give into anger at this point
I have to admit
but what I really have to do
is keep tight to my sense of self-worth
and that this uncertainty will not last forever.

A part of me reminds myself
that I was surely worthy ten years ago
when he was a broke student looking for a grad school
and legitimacy.

it is not I who has changed.
(well, not much)
I have to remember that! 8 years ago

Kellyannbrownstill waiting...cautiously optimistic

I said, “Is there no hope?”

He said, “There is hope”

My heart burst, but bled,
“Hope is a thing with feathers,” I thought 8 years ago

KellyannbrownZaybel has the right idea...

find yourself somewehre soft
and cop a squat!

Last night some of my questions were answered
and I found out
that there is HOPE8 years ago

KellyannbrownI am waiting....

even though it’s VERY hard

still no call or email or analog letter or smoke signals or ANYTHING.

One of the way I calm my nerves is by writing a letter I will never send, but at least I get those feelings down on paper and don’t have to feel them over and over and over. 8 years ago

KellyannbrownI have no choice

I have to wait
I have to be patient
I have to work and keep busy
and not let my mind spin ahead of what is

I promised my mom that I wouldn’t do anything for ten days
about this problem
and you know, I can accept this time of my life
there is alot of unknows
but it gives me a strange energy 8 years ago

KellyannbrownI am trying to wait patiently

...but it’s not easy
although I can be relatively patient in some areas of my life, this is a particularily hard one.

I faltered a little on Tuesday….
but I have managed to stay pretty strong.

The therapy and group and my support system
have been very helpful…and going back to work, has helped
believe it or not! 8 years ago

KellyannbrownRadical acceptance

Maybe this thing is meant to bring me closer to my mom and dad
tonight they called
and were really supportive

I talked with my brother tonight
and he was really supportive
I am very lucky that I have the people that I have
beside me
behind me 8 years ago

KellyannbrownThere is something happening in my life that I have no control over...

My initial instinct is to poke it,
prod it into action

but I also know
that I have to let it happen
and my timeframe has nothing to do with it

I have to breathe
I have to keep busy
I have to let this part of my life unfold as it will

When I feel the absolute need to do something about it
I will try to make the choice to just let it be

When everything is ressolved
I will count this as “done’ 8 years ago

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