This is because I’m always complaining about what I wish I had. I dont trust God enough to provide for all of my needs. I keep asking Him for more and then trying to make it happen on my own when I think He isnt doing a ‘good enough’ job making me happy. But in reality, It’s not about me or what I want. It’s about Him and what He knows is best for me. I need to remember this. 5 years ago
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I’m being secretive about what this is regarding, but I assure you that my patience has paid off, and it only took a week for him to come around. Okay there, I sort of let the cat out of the bag. It was the most difficult week I’ve had in awhile, but was so worth the end result. 5 years ago
to be ready to hear what he had to say without acting defensively 8 years ago
I decided that it was finally time to really talk things out.
I really understand his point of view. I don’t think we have two sides to this issue, maybe only one and quarter.
Can I make the changes that are necessary to save our relationship. I don’t know. I am willing to try and it looks like he is not being unreasonable. 8 years ago
it’s hard not to give into anger at this point
I have to admit
it is TEMPTING,
but what I really have to do
is keep tight to my sense of self-worth
and that this uncertainty will not last forever.
A part of me reminds myself
that I was surely worthy ten years ago
when he was a broke student looking for a grad school
it is not I who has changed.
(well, not much)
I have to remember that! 8 years ago
I said, “Is there no hope?”
He said, “There is hope”
My heart burst, but bled,
“Hope is a thing with feathers,” I thought 8 years ago
find yourself somewehre soft
and cop a squat!
Last night some of my questions were answered
and I found out
that there is HOPE8 years ago
even though it’s VERY hard
still no call or email or analog letter or smoke signals or ANYTHING.
One of the way I calm my nerves is by writing a letter I will never send, but at least I get those feelings down on paper and don’t have to feel them over and over and over. 8 years ago
I have to wait
I have to be patient
I have to work and keep busy
and not let my mind spin ahead of what is
I promised my mom that I wouldn’t do anything for ten days
about this problem
and you know, I can accept this time of my life
there is alot of unknows
but it gives me a strange energy 8 years ago
...but it’s not easy
although I can be relatively patient in some areas of my life, this is a particularily hard one.
I faltered a little on Tuesday….
but I have managed to stay pretty strong.
The therapy and group and my support system
have been very helpful…and going back to work, has helped
believe it or not! 8 years ago
Maybe this thing is meant to bring me closer to my mom and dad
tonight they called
and were really supportive
I talked with my brother tonight
and he was really supportive
I am very lucky that I have the people that I have
behind me 8 years ago
My initial instinct is to poke it,
prod it into action
but I also know
that I have to let it happen
and my timeframe has nothing to do with it
I have to breathe
I have to keep busy
I have to let this part of my life unfold as it will
When I feel the absolute need to do something about it
I will try to make the choice to just let it be
When everything is ressolved
I will count this as “done’ 8 years ago