forgive and move on

So, month and a half of not talking to him I decided to write him a message. I told him that I dont have bad feelings towards him, and I apologize for anything he feels I did bad to him. I closed the fake facebook account where I had him to sneak him. And now I decided to move on. He didnt answerd my message so he’s doing his part. The two of us are ready to move on. Lets just the time pass and cure our wounds. He will live his life and I will live mine.

We used to be co-workers. Then she stepped up a sub director and cancelled my Diabetes module. Then she became Director and screwd my life over. But today, I am willing to forgive her. May I please be granted the grace of forgiveness if I ask for it often enough.

So, about a month ago my dad read my diary and found out that I’m not a virgin anymore. He was really sneaky about trying to weasel information out of me even though he already knew. I’m not talking to him right now, but it’s had a huge impact on my life. On the good side, my weekends are free (my parents are separated). But on the bad side, I’ve stopped going to church and have started to become upset and stressed very easily. I really need to move on, because I’m taking this issue way farther than it needs to be. I’m going to 1.) write him a letter explaining how it’s none of his business and that I don’t want to discuss anything with him. 2.) Start going out to dinner on Wednesday nights with him again. 3.) Start hugging him again. Just because I’m forgiving him doesn’t mean I’m condoning what he did, and i will never, ever do that to my children. But I have to accept him as a human that makes mistakes- really big ones. And moving on is rolling with this situation and stop hindering my relationship with dad with this circumstance. Here I go… I accept that my father made a mistake and that starting now, I’m going to work harder to start having a relationship with him again. I should go let him know that…

This time it was my dad who has talked me into not quitting my job. I have agrred to satay so I can help him with his retirement bureocracy, but I am sick and tired of letting them live through me. I am 35 years old and still are a puppet of my parents. At least I now realize what they do to me and I have this time agreed. I wish it would go faster tough.

The bad message is really like an affirmation of youth to them. When they put us dwon and talk down to us they are saying they are still the youg family with the precious babies, and we are quite grown…

It is time for ending the viciuos circle of envy of the young for the riches of the old and of the old for the young for their vigour. Right now, I am the winner of this game, I will invest all my eggs into selling this appartment. sell my mother´s apartment

My mom is really in a surpeise shock today as I told her that please stop talking down to me. A lot of my cousisns and people my age find her truly inspiring, but I told her that treating me as an inexperienced child in fron of company is not going to help me with any bussiness. I told her to please re think what she´ll say about me, because I´ve had it with being the dutiful and respectful child she reared. This has got to stop. I am not a failure for not having married rich, as she did to my stepdad(who is the one who really helps and supprts me emmotionally). I am going to write this all for the world to see. Than meditate enad forgive myself, I am right, I have nothing for which to be forgiven

And that to be successfull I needed to marry rich. And she says she is a feminist!!!? Heal

I want to realize in my heart of hearts that the pain caused was a pattern and most likely a serious side of a hidden mental illness. I want to forgive and be able to move in the next direction.

The past is just that… the past.. anytime u waste thinking about it is just suffering.. and suffering never solves any problems!