Relationships
The best relationships are the friends & the bonds you form, whether face-to-face or on the internet; shared in chat & on screen.
Trust is vital to any relationship but more so over the internet. I think that people believe the anonymity of the net gives them the right to be anything but truthful. At one time it was either get to know someone face-to-face or through letters (pen pals). Then the internet made it possible to chat with someone virtually anywhere in the world real-time. What a concept to not have to wait for the mail to arrive & instead get an instant response!
However, with this wonderful tool it has also opened up the doorway to abuse. People preying on the lonely, the weak & the trusting. I still like to believe that people on the whole are basically good & honest but more & more I’m seeing this is anything but true!
For most the internet is a fantasy world where deception reigns. Why be a dowdy 50+year old, overweight, short female when you can create a persona that’s 10-15 years younger, tall & leggy & slim to boot. I don’t happen to want any HUGE surprises in my life so I’ve always believed honesty is the best policy. I am that 50+, overweight & short woman & openly say so. If that’s too much honesty for someone to handle then that’s their problem.
I’ve made some absolutely wonderful friends (especially gal pals) through the internet. Actually one of my best face-to-face friends I met in a chat room over 11 years ago & we actually met in person almost 10 yrs ago. We have both weathered many storms together & been there for each other more times than I can count. I would not trade her friendship for anything & I love her dearly. We have that friendship because of our honesty & trust in one another. There are other gal pals I have formed a strong bond with & value them immensely. There are even a few male pals that it’s been clear from the beginning, pals only & I’d like to think that it works to be that way. Sometimes I feel as if I’m anything but the norm when it comes to being blunt & honest. Honesty; such a simple word but something so hard for most people to do.
I’ve tried some of the dating sites & they were a huge disappointment! Dating someone young enough to be my son or old enough to be my father is not my bag. You drop a line to someone only to not even receive the courtesy of a reply. As long as someone has been halfway decent to me, I at least dropped them a short reply thanking them & wishing them well in their search.
Then there are the players…some women say that most men on the net are players but I beg to differ. There are just as many women players & I have seen them in action. Both sexes like that make it very hard for anyone to trust & give a bad name to those of us who don’t play that game.
I tried meeting a few men off the net years ago. One was looking for nothing more than a mother figure & was too needy. The next was looking to be “one of my lovers” & I sure do not do the bed buddy thing. The last one was a control freak who took joy in demeaning women. I had walls up around me to begin with but those experiences taught me to really shield myself (or so I thought). I’d lay it on the line when things got too close & I’ve never been hesitant about telling the opposite sex I’m not their dream gal & probably not even close to being their type. Needless to say I get asked why & I tell them I’m not some brainless, young, skinny little piece of fluff.
I’ve often said two very key elements are missing even in voice/video chat…voice inflection & body language.
I just have never understood the concept of internet dating/romance…I mean how can you date someone you’ve never seen? Sounds like some type of crazy teenager romance thing to me. Yes you can love someone, but as more than a friend & take it to a romantic relationship; I think not. Any feelings formed are purely based on a fantasy. I’ve been one of the biggest sceptics when it comes to internet romance
Recently though I started to think in terms of something more than just friendship becoming possible. I met someone on the internet back last fall & it was purely by chance. I really liked him as a person & enjoyed our chats immensely. Then in the New Year things changed in that he told me he more than liked me as a friend. Yes, I was very flattered but also wary. The previous past experiences as well as relationships I had in the past have made me this way. I gave him all the cons to anything beyond a net friendship but still he told me this was different. This man made me feel special & even gave me butterflies. He truly acted like he cared & maybe I could trust him! He took the time to even call me on several occasions. I think you can tell where this is headed. Suddenly the emails/phone calls have stopped. His last email gave no indication there was a problem. So here I am left to wonder why & it makes me very angry with myself. Angry because I actually believed & allowed myself to get caught up in the trap. Maybe there is an explanation but I’m not sure I want to hear it. I was taken in & I can’t understand why I was so vulnerable at this particular time. I can’t help but wonder to the truth of any of it. I feel anger, disappointment, confusion, rejection & such a myriad of emotions. My stomach has been in knots & the sadness that envelopes me at times overwhelms me. To suddenly have my memory erased of this would be the perfect solution.
Emotions are such a fickle part of us. Love is definitely not a true emotion as it brings every other emotion into play. It’s not something I tend to use lightly by any means. I have no problems telling my family & very close girlfriends that I love them & perhaps that is because there is nothing implied & it’s as close to unconditional as I can get.
Trust…I think in my life there is only person I’ve ever been able to trust completely who has never really judged me; that is my brother. He’s been my rock more times than I can count. We have an unconditional love & trust with one another. I so wish I could have that relationship with others. I count myself blessed that at least I have one person in my life like this as many people don’t have that support. I’m also very blessed to have a couple of close face-to-face everyday gal pals.
Wow…I just read something in Stephen King’s new book (Duma Key); maybe not love at first sight, but instant attraction. What a wonderful analogy which makes more sense to me than anything I’ve heard before. It’s so true why we gravitate towards certain people….not love, but attraction. Attraction comprises physical as well as mental although more often than not it is the physical attraction that arouses our curiosity when it comes to the opposite sex. Whether it is a smile, a twinkle in the eye, the sound of a voice or a really nice body part. Beauty is definitely in the eye of the beholder. There are also times when the mental attraction transcends the physical. We form a friendship based on mutual likes/dislikes & common bonds. The attraction is heightened through our mental state. All relationships are best formed on a friendship. Sex is fleeting, friendship tends to last longer.
