see a therapist

This year has been extremely difficult for my family – health issues have beset two members of my family, and there’s also a divorce, my depression, and another person’s alcoholism – and I had a really difficult day last Monday. I’m leaving this vague because the details aren’t crucial, but let’s just say that that day pushed me so much that I had to rely on my core strength to keep myself together.

I held up well. I reached out to a couple of family members I knew I could trust and got the emotional support I needed to get through the day, the crisis. Everything isn’t all better now, but it’s a lot better, relatively speaking, and we can breathe a little easier now.

What I realized, though, during the highest point of the stress, was that if I hadn’t made that phone call to who would become a therapist I’ve grown to respect, admire, and lean on for support I’ve craved for all my life and not quite received like I hoped I would, last Monday would have been a lot different. I was able to keep it together like the average person would hope I could, because of the work I started last September. Without all that preparation and investment in myself, the day would have been so much worse and possibly disastrous.

I let the idea simmer in the back of my mind for years that I would probably benefit from talking with a professional about the issues that plagued me, but I was afraid to do it. Finally, I snapped, made the call (I had a number ready from my “just considering it” moments), and went to my first appointment. It’s been so great to have someone firmly in my corner helping bolster me up while I try to unravel my messes.

Reading Carl Jung and Clarissa Estes was really helpful; in general, seek out sources of insight that suit you, that you are not afraid to employ. Respect yourself, trust your instincts, and listen to your true inner voice, and you’ll make it through to that first phone call or email.

And my first appointment is on Feb 26th.

I don’t think I like this one either. ):

I got some numbers of some more reliable therapists…at least, ones that will return my calls. And I scheduled an appointment for this Saturday. I’m hoping that this lady will work out, although I didn’t like her tone of voice on the phone. Hopefully she will be more pleasant in person. I also spoke with a kindly male doctor, but unfortunately, I had already made an appointment with the female doctor. But I told him I’d call him again if things didn’t work out.

This is probably the most important thing on the list because in order to do the rest of the list I think I need to do this first. I called a woman last week who has an office right down the street from where I live. She told me she would call me back over the weekend last week and that never happened. Now I have to gain some sort of motivation to call someone else. Hopefully I do this tomorrow.

I’m going to try counseling at my school again. Hopefully they won’t reject me this time.
I have an appointment for next Thursday.

I made an appointment to see a docotor today, I go on Wed.
She is not a therapist…but she is going to run a bunch of blood work and rule out that the way I’m feeling isn’t related to some count or whatever being “off”. Clinical depression and sadness are two very different things. I don’t want to jump to any conclusions, but never in my life have I not been able to deal with this feeling….I am consumed.

I know I need to do this…got a small list of names and even went to see one a few days ago. She doesn’t specialize in what I’m struggling with, but I like the fact that she works with Christianity. I feel way too scared to go back…i felt like I spent the session talking and looked like an idiot. I’m so torn…and don’t know what to do.

Made an appointment