stop being afraid of commitment

Okay, so i like this guy that ive known for over 2 years and ive liked him for just about 5 months. He also is interested in me too.
Now heres the problem. Everytime we become a ‘thing’ and he starts to get serious i completely stop liking him.
After i tell him that ive lost interest and dont want to be with him anymore, the very next day, i like him more then i did before.
Ive done this to him twice now and i dont know what to do. He says that he isnt willing to give me another chance because he knows im afraid of commitment and thats what he wants. I used to love him, but i dont anymore. Now i am in love with him and i have no idea how to get over my commitment problem and prove to him ive changed.

Help ?

“People who avoid commitment are people who know what a big thing it is.” -Dr. Foreman to Cameron (House MD)

In Indonesia, people tend to rush. Instead of casually dating (seeing each other for a while) and then deciding whether they’re in SO (significant other) terms yet and THEN going further, Indonesians tend to start with a courtship-like phase (“PDKT”) which mind you, is VERY intense in a claustrophobia-inducing kind of way. And then they in an illegal way ‘legalize’ the relationship by making it official (“jadian”) where they PROPOSE you [literally] to be their girlfriend (yeah, good way FREAK ME OUT). Give a name to the relationship, define it and determine how to do things (along with limitations). And that’s when they start becoming demanding, high-maintenance, needy and clingy. Nag, nag, nag. They never give you space. It’s too much to ask for. It’s almost like being married except you’re not supposed to sleep together yet. Really, it’s like wearing a Battle Royale collar. Combine that with the Indonesian obsession with marriage and the sexism. Hand me the O₂ mask, please! You’re expected to rush into marriage in a society where divorce is frowned upon? It’s lethal. Whoops, there goes my freedom!

Sorry. Rambling. Point is: I’m just scared of getting too attached, because then you’re prone to getting hurt and being stuck in a situation like that.

^{This is entry 1 of 3 this week.
Illustration credit: http://www.fanpop.com/spots/house-md/articles/2544}

This is another area where people get cold feet because they fear the unknown. There’s a risk of getting hurt and when they don’t know whether that will happen, they back off. Don’t do that!

No matter what type of committment it is – romantic, family, job, school, major purchase, anything – the best way to deal with the aprehension is to investigate the possibilities first. There’s no reason to make a decision right away.

Most other posts for this goal deal with romance, so I’ll offer this advice. If you get those three little words, don’t automatically assume that the person saying them means committment. They may only be expressing themselves. Enjoy it for what it is. If talk of committment does come up, talk to each other about the possibilities. This is a good first-test of your communication. If you find out that your expectations match up, then for heavensakes go for it! Then if it doesn’t work out, at least you know you tried it. There’s no regret in life like regretting chances that you didn’t take.

And, it’s never too late to ask for another chance.

Hi there, well I am in a bad situation. There is this guy who I think is almost perfect for me. He has finally started opening up about his feelings. I thought I would be estatic but instead I feel nausea. I have never been in a relationship longer than a month. When guys start showing interest it’s like I push them away. I did that today with the guy who seems to be right for me. I cant understand why I feel like this. I want to be with him but I dont know if I have already messed up another could be great relationship.

The thing that scares me most about relationships, unlike many people, isn’t rejection. often times I feel like rejection would be a relief so I can be free to do whatever I feel like. What really scares me is finding someone, getting stuck with her, and getting sick of her.

I mean, I know myself I know I get bored with things easily, I know why I don’t make plans too far in advance, why the thought of immortality isn’t the least bit intriguing to me but instead a little sickening, and why I rarely finish novels. I know Ive gone through hundreds of crushes in my life time always a “she’s cuter” or a “she has a better personality”. But the thing is, when you drop a book there’s no consequence, with relationships things are different it turns out to be a person you’re discarding as if it was worthless. . .not because you don’t like it, just because there are other things to do. And you cant just break up with someone just cause there’s this really hot chick in your English class. right?

It really doesn’t help hearing councelors and pastors and whatnot talk about marriage and the horrendous ways esay are necessary to get through it (one guy even said you have to have sex even if neither of you really feel like it, because it’s your duty as a spouse). Neither does hearing people talk to teens and young adults about why they don’t need to get married so soon and how difficult it is. They say all this stuff about having no freedom it’s like living with your parents all over again (which I still haven’t stopped doing). No one ever says what’s good about marriage in the first place if there’s no point in marriage, then what’s the point in dating. A lot of people put a bunch of emphasis on sex but honestly, if you need an orgasm that bad, why not just masturbate? at least that way you dont have to worry about how good you are, how good they are, or trying to think up a conversation afterward.

I guess what I really need is someone who can convince me there’s nothing to worry about, some one who can make me feel like I wont want to leave her for something better down the road. . .whether it be another woman or climbing mount Olympus. Someone who makes me feel like time is better spent with her than alone. . .but I can barely even imagine such a thing.

I shut everyone out that might love and care about me being commintment phobic this I wish to change

I had this problem too. I got real close to this friend and then feelings started to develop. I felt it and she felt it too but whenever she started to come on to me, I pushed her away told her a lie about how I don’t feel the same way.
Deep down though, I knew she would make me happy and I her happy. I understand why she could never forgive me for playing with her feelings.
It was something good which I threw away because of commitment issues.

......

Yesterday he told me he was into me, and I had mixed feelings, yes I like him back, but it was too hard for me to tell him. I love spending time with him, but im just scared to put myself out there. Someone told me that the regret is worse than the risk, I so guess I’ll have to muster up my courage and tell him how I truly feel. Somewhere deep inside, I know I want to be with him, besides in the end you can only hope for the best.

that happened with me a week ago.
i must have been giving out the signals and when she came on to me. i totally freaked out and pushed her away because i liked her but but the possibility of her liking me back would mean a long term relationship.
I konw thats what i want but just scared me.
Very scared of the possibilities too.