heal my broken heart

I checked his online dating account to see if he’s reactivated it. It’s still deactivated as of today. I must say I feel relieved. It’s stupid to feel that way I know. What does it matter now? We’re no longer together. For all I know he probably has a different account on that website.

I’m slowly starting to accept the fact that he’s gone. We’re finished. The end. It still hurts and I still miss him a lot. I guess I feel really lonely. It’s Friday today. It’s sunny and warm but I’m sitting in my flat wondering if I can make it through the day. I cooked myself lunch today. I’ve decided to do something good for myself every day. Hope I have the strength to keep it up.

At my strongest I feel I can move on and I am actually happy that ended the relationship. At least I get to save my dignity. When someone is so unsure of his feelings for you, the best thing to do is walk away with dignity.

At my weakest I am a complete mess. I dream about him. I can’t concentrate. I feel suffocated and hurt. I miss him like crazy. I am not able to deal with any problems. I fantasize about him. I cry and cry and cry.

I’ve just re-read all the text messages he’s sent me. I wanted to find out what went wrong. I’m a fool I know. He was probabbly never that into me from the beginning. I keep trying to tell myself that it doesn’t matter what happened or why it happened. The fact is, he’s lost his feelings for me.

I miss him very much. I fell terribly lonely. Life seems meaningless. I wish I could forget him and move on.

Well it’s the first day after the break up. I feel like shit. I can’t stop thinking about him. I miss him like crazy. I don’t feel like going to work. Everything seems so difficult and complicated. I’ve lost my appetite. All I think about is him. I can’t sleep at night. I feel suffocated sometimes. I feel terribly lonely and sad :((((

I know I will miss you terribly. I know I will not be able to forget all the happy memories we shared.

My heart is bleeding and the cut is deep. We once built a castle and now it’s in ruins.

You said it was depression and you said you were unsure of your feelings for me. You said you felt guilty for not being able to return my affections.

You also told me that I was the best thing that has happened to you in 2009.

Now I’m all alone again. I’m hurt, lost and confused. But I know I need to heal my wound and move on.

well i’m young, i haven’t had much experience with love. in fact i’ve only been in love once. and i just remember the moment i knew i loved him so well, my stomach dropped and i couldn’t not tell him. i thought i was going to explode with thoughts and emotions.. and love. it was unreal and nothing like i had expected. it’s impossible to describe, but anyone who’s felt it will understand what i mean.
but when it ended, my whole world fell apart. quite literally. i couldn’t think straight, i couldn’t eat, i couldn’t concentrate on anything for more than 5 seconds without my mind casting back to him. i was so empty. and 6 months on, i am still empty. i am still broken inside. people say ‘find someone else, go out, go have fun, get your mind off it’ and from the moment those words leave their lips you just know theyve never experienced it. because if they had they wouldn’t say it, they would know it just simply doesn’t work like that. i think that you either always will love someone or you never did; and i fully believe i will always love this boy. i can’y get past him. i can’t let go.
if anyone else is in this position, and is relatively young, please please please reply to this. i need help and im losing all hope of ever getting my life back. thankyou x

I have included this goal because it is kind of a good place to start again. The emotional pain felt during a relationship break up is just the kind of motivation required to kick start life in a new direction. Out with the old in with the new. My business, income, home, social life, future goals, sexual pleasure and family life all revolved around my ex; how she is gone so are all the things which gave my life stability, security and meaning. So what is left? Freedom, a blank canvas, the world is my oyster and I can look for the seed of opportunity in this adversity. On ward and up ward to my new beginning.
My broken heart? Well I’m on the mend, it has taken a while as always but I’m doing really well.For more info on how I heal my broken heart visit my blog at

http://healmybrokenheart.brighterplanet.org/

or my other blog at

http://heartachesurvivalguide.blogspot.com

More on my progress in future posts

So here it is guys, i am sorry i have not been writing to you but i am now. sorry. since first semester i have met a lot of friends.i have a job, i even dated someone. i am so much happier than i was 4 months ago. thank you so much for the cheers. i appreciate it. i am hoping to officially “complete” this soon. i am pretty sure i am over pat but i have not seen him yet, i need to have that final test to see if i am good. to seal the deal.

THANKYOU.

ill write more later.

if i could write you a letter about how i feel now this is it.

Dear Pat.

i think this is the greatest thing i have ever done for myself because i am ok. i am getting better and though you are trying to make me talk to you and use your mind games on me. its not gonna work this time. i am not the same as i was a month ago, or 2 months ago or 8 months ago. i want to be free. im going to be free and guess what? i am okay without you. maybe someday ill want your friendship but right now. i am happy without you in my life.

how do you know when you completely move on? how do you know. all i want to do is avoid pat as much as possible. i dont think about him anymore but if something does remind me of him i like to stop talking about it instantly. i refuse to keep up on him because im afraid of the outcome.. i guess im not over him yet but i know im getting there.
i know i want to meet someone, i see people fall in love all the time, and i wonder..whens my turn again? do i get another turn? theres all these tools out there..where is he? i know i cant wait on it that it will just happen but i dunno

i am talking to this kid i went to elementary school with but im pretty sure hes not interested. i get excited and then im afraid im being foolish. we talk but not to an extent…i don’t know my limits and i wish i did. this is my biggest goal.

ALSO.
i am happy with my life, i am not sad at all really, i have a lot of fun in college and everything is going good and its not bad being single. haha.

alright so this break has helped a lot i don’t get upset as much as i used to. i have been spending time with my best friends and family. christmas was good, new years was good. everything was good. yes there has been moments where i miss him but i swear i am getting better. i know i am stronger than the last entry.

optimism go!