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trust him more. hard to do. I am making progress. :)

will never be learned until I actually believe I’m worthy of them?
I want to elevate so, so much but my strategy is flawed by the consuming belief that I am beyond help. For all the momentary drive I summon, it is challenged and defeated every time by the belief that I’m not worthy of success in any form, so I unconsciously sabotage myself to continue the belief cycle. I realise that I have created this situation I’m in, that a part of me is seeking this situation to continue. This just makes me feel worse. It doesn’t tackle the credibility of the belief that I’m not worthy of success/beyond help. I just can’t rationalise myself into believing it. There are things I want to do in life, but it feels like it’s slipping out of my grasp because i was never worthy enough in the first place. I don’t know how to move my head out of this…and nothing will change until I do.
Someone very wise asked me a while ago, if I was willing to sit with the pain. I have flitted into it, rationalised it wouldn’t change anything when it got too hard, and closed it off again to stumble on. I haven’t felt comfortable enough to open up to my christian friends because i know self-hatred is a sin, and I can’t bear their disapproval so I keep quiet.
why do I hate myself? It’s not the worldly success I seek, although comfort would be nice. It’s the feeling that I’m failing at being myself, not being successful in the things I feel passionate about, that make me who I am. Yes, I want success, but success in being myself. Since I have expended most of my energy placating others, I neither had the energy to be myself or define who that was/is.

I am 24 years old , Single, Native of American, Caucasian, Heterosexual, Female, 5’8” (173cm), 105lbs (48kg), located in united States. Christian by religion. I’m a Student and I’m majoring in marketing and getting a minor in International financing.

I will like to me meet men and women all over the world for friendship ;Good friends are like stars… You don’t always see them, but you know they are always there

hes my lord and savior im young so i really want to get to know him more as i get older and more mature in my own way i want to go to heaven without cheating and doing the amount aquired i wanna do more than that with my life

I have to find a good church where people can help me… And stop being lazy…

The only advice I can give is to (a) read a book about the attributes of God [You may be interested in Knowledge of the Holy; it’s extremely complex, but very thorough.], (b) take a class, or (3) just ask someone you trust who knows what he’s about, and who will be honest and nonjudgemental.

god.
i have found him. what i was doing before was looking for purpoase and meaning in all the wrong places because i did not fully accept god. there were still things missing for me that did not fill the void within. some of the questions that dug into my thought processes were= what exactly is the point of life, why do all these bad things happen to me, can’t god make me happy?, and the largest issue was what matters. what i continually did was put importance on things in life that are utterly pointless. the point of life is to proove to yourself and god that you can overcome sin and live with him in eternal bliss. i am living to be living, he gave me the gift of life, the earth, and my body. those three things are worth thousands of lifetimes of thanks. another thing that i constanly did was blame the lord, i kept praying to him and asking why he put all these mean people in my life, and why he let them do those things to me. and here is the answer to that one, god gave humans free choice, if someone says something negative or mean that is their choice and no one can change that but themselves. when i realized that i am in control, i realized it was also my fault for having a bad attitude, that is something only i can change. that pretty much answers the whole “can’t god make me happy” question. of course he can make me happy. i just need to open my eyes and accept the love and gifts he has provided me with.

I love God, and everything about the christian faith. Ive been raised in it all my life. Its so hard for me to do what i know is right, i feel like bad influences are everywhere i turn. I do things i know i shouldnt, and i know god always forgives, so then i feel like im taking advantage of him. I want to learn all i can about him and be a good person. Its so hard for me to understand my bible. And i know i cant put it off forever.
does this make me a bad person?

I love God, and everything about the christian faith. Ive been raised in it all my life. Its so hard for me to do what i know is right, i feel like bad influences are everywhere i turn. I do things i know i shouldnt, and i know god always forgives, so then i feel like im taking advantage of him. I want to learn all i can about him and be a good person. Its so hard for me to understand my bible. And i know i cant put it off forever.
does this make me a bad person?

I think about God everyday.
it is just soooo hard to comprehend.
i mean there are so many things i don’t know.
I go to youth group on Sundays.
everytime i am there i feel like i am on top of the world.
Every year during the summer. I go to christian camp.
I am going in three weeks.
I have been going there for five years now.
I can’t even tell you how great it feels to be surrounded
by all thoses happy people
i want to be happy.