learn patience

Since now I understand what I am doing here, I think I can say I have done this.

The problem with patience is that I always focus on results and forget to enjoy what I am doing. I’m getting better at learning, but not enough, I think. Yesterday I went to a violin rehearsal with other students at school – and they were all advanced students! It was mortifying to me not to be able to play with them. But instead of giving up, I decided to think that in the future I’ll be able to do that and it’s only a matter of not giving up – it’s a matter of time. I think that if I were really patient I would not have felt that way, I would have enjoyed the opportunity instead of being worried about not being able to participate. So, I still have to work on that.

I want to be a pianist, but that is a hard job for me. My therapist said I am not confident enough, but I am getting confident with therapy. I realize now that it will be many years for me to get where I want to, so I must be patient and not demand too much from myself. There’s the whole life to learn and practice and the best way to learn is to have pleasure in whatever we learn. I am getting my pleasure back, I am enjoying what I can do. I hope I’ll play Mozart’s concerts someday!

to learn patience with my kids. I feel horrible when i lose my temper because they’ve pushed my last button. I have 8 year old twins and i know they’ll do that, but they seem to do it more than necessary. One will just tell me she doesnt want to do whatever it is i’ve asked her to do and then proceed to whine and cry about it and the other is just thick-headed and doesnt really hear you when you’re talking or remember something you’ve said just moments earlier. I think it’s the 2 of these hindrences combined that really make me lose it and then psycho mommy comes out. We dont like psycho mommy. I try everything i can short of spanking them because i really dont want to hurt them, i just want them to listen…HELP!

AND I WANT TO NOW!!!!AHHHHHHH…

So much easier that it sounds. It is very hard for me to to stop, think, feel, and then react, as opposed to just responding with the first, most visceral response that comes to mind.

I understand the logic behind all of the benefits of being patient, but good God, it is damn near impossible for me to not just to roar back with a response when confrnoted with something frustrating! If I drove wiht a gun in the car, I would have been in jail for many, many years by now!

I wish I could ingrain it in my head – Think, Feel, Then Respond!

As of today I have very little patience for people who are stupid. For example, at work I have very little patience for our customers who don’t know how to use a computer and ask me “stupid questions”. I hope to gain more patience and not judge others…

43 things seems like a staggering number, when I consider the gravity of the 18 things on my plate already, but even so I began casting about for more things to add to the list. It occured to me, though, that most of the entries on my list already can be distilled to this: learn patience. If I can truly get a handle on that, many other things will follow. I can’t wait to learn patience! Can’t wait. I’m going to get started right after I learn how to stop being lazy. That’s going to rule, too.

Truth of the matter is, when we learn patience we can accomplish any goal we set for ourselves. We have to keep trying different ways around a problem or situation, but having patience while we learn new tasks, or try to complete an ongoing task.
You see, my logical mind knows this is true but when I become impatient with myself…all I can think of is AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!

that someone so patient with others can be so impatient with life? I have been told I have the patience of a saint (whatever that means—how patient are saints, traditionally? Catholics may need to help me out on this one). Admittedly, I seem to have infinite patience with those for whom I care and those who need it. However, I’m terrible at waiting, at letting things play out, at the act of “wait and see.” I’ve always been efficient to a fault, a multitasker, a “get things done” kind of girl. Part of learning patience involves learning to be still, to be mindful, that action (and lots of it) is not always the required course of, ... um… action (?). The Rilke quote I posted under the goal “Live my one wild and precious life” seems to speak to this. Maybe I should tack that up over my computer as well. Or better yet, get it tattooed to my forehead! Hold on, that would be taking action. Maybe I should just sit and think about it for awhile.