Avoid loud and aggressive persons

At 6:18 this morning the next door neighbors hopped into their car and drove away for the last time. Mrs. viii happened to be standing at the kitchen window and saw them drive off.

Now that this episode of our lives is over I am marking this as completed.

A young couple has just moved into the house. We met them this evening. They seem to be a welcome change from what we have known for the last several years.

I’m watching people load up a moving van with these people’s belongings. They should be gone in no time at all.

Their new house is about a 4-5 hour drive away from here. :-)

This sign appeared in the front yard of my not-so-nice/crazy/psychopathic neighbor just last week.

I wish them a lot of success in a quick sale.

If any really nice 43er’s want to live near R8, put in an offer.

I think I need to move along in these lessons as well.

My grandmother lives in a very nice assisted living facility about a mile from my house. She’s been there for about three years. During that time, on at least three occasions, they have treated her poorly and if not for active family intervention, she would have died.

Friday evening the facility’s minister called me and went on for nearly an hour about how horrible it was that we were taking my grandmother to off site locations for her medical and social care. I didn’t hang up as fast as I should have…I listened too long…and now I am recalling why I added this “thing” my list and why I can’t remove it.

For now, I will let my spirit recover.

I often go through my “43things list”...almost daily to see what’s up with each of them. I added this one, I think at the outset. At that time my work was dragging me around a bunch of loud and aggressive persons and I indeed found that “they are vexations to the spirit.” The word vexation comes from “vex”. I wonder what Max Ehrmann meant?

1. To annoy, as with petty importunities; bother. 
2. To cause perplexity in; puzzle.
3. To bring distress or suffering to; plague or afflict.
4. To debate or discuss (a question, for example) at length.
5. To toss about or shake up.

Probably all. The last thing I need is an annoyed, puzzled, distressed, shook up soul.

Of course, one way to avoid something is to change it…that’s the best.

At any rate, as I reflect nearly daily on this objective, it seems to me that I am pretty lucky at this point. Loud and aggressive persons are vanishing.

I’m not ever checking this off, however. I think it requires constant attention.

Easier said than done this one but I’ll paste the whole poem http://www.43things.com/person/elizabethmerchant quoted as its one of my favourites and also superb advice:

Desiderata

Go placidly amidst the noise and haste
and remember what peace there may be in silence
As far as possible without surrender,
be on good terms with all persons

Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others;
even the dull and ignorant, for they too have their story
Avoid loud and agressive persons for they are vexatious to the spirit

If you compare yourself with others you may become vain or bitter,
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself

Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your career, however humble,
for it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time

Exercise caution in your business life for everywhere there is trickery
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals,
and everywhere life is full of heroism

Be yourself

Especially do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love,
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment
it is perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings;
many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness

Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars.

You have a right to be here

And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Be at peace with God, whatever you conceive him to be
And whatever your labours and aspirations, keep peace in your soul
With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams it is still a beautiful world

Be cheerful

Strive to be happy.

Max Erhmann 1927

Does it count as “avoiding” when you are able to see it coming and change the climate? Of course it does! A few days ago I picked up the phone. The other party was clearly ready to freak out and make and drag me into a huge argument. Maybe we could hang up on each other or cuss or something dramatic like that! No. “Avoid loud and aggressive people, they are vexations to the spirit.” So. I talked to him about a lot of things, entirely unrelated to the task at hand. Mostly how we come together-how we are the same. (That wasn’t obvious, by the way.) Within 10 minutes, we were chatting and he was far from loud or aggressive. Just like my peace goals, avoiding loud and aggressive persons is not limited to one method. It most certainly does not mean that when I see one coming, I’m to head for the nearest cave. It might mean changing the way that I approach the person.

Of course I won’t name names. This person is not found on 43T. This is a person who lives near me. This person seems to go out of her way to annoy me: gossip, yelling, lying, even threatened a lawsuit.

It’s all water off of a duck’s back. I’ve gotten to the point where I can take it in stride.

It does frighten me though when she tries to intimidate my children. She’ll yell at them, accuse them of doing things that they didn’t do, belittle them, threaten them, steal their kitten…who knows where it will end.

I’m thinking that a 6’ vinyl privacy fence between her yard and mine should help matters somewhat.

I was shopping at IKEA the other day and a woman blocked my aisle and crossed her arms.
I couldn’t back up, there was another woman behind me.
With a baby.
The fat woman with the crossed arms stared at me.
So did the other fat woman beside her.
The woman with the baby backed up and I went down another aisle.
When I checked out the cashier told me that he’d just broken up a fight between two customers,
standing in line.