This is on the back of every AA medallion, and as the years go by, I really see the wisdom of it.

I struggle with the endings of meetings down here, as it is the South, and heavily Christian, and each and every meeting ends with the Lord’s Prayer. Now that is straight from the Bible, which says to kill witches, and I just can’t say a prayer from a book that says to destroy me and my kind. But others don’t understand that as they are Christian and they feel it’s the norm. But what if they were forced to say a pagan prayer, and one from a source that condemns them? I know that would be a whole different can of worms.

So through the years I have dealt with this in various ways, standing in or out of the circle, chanting another prayer, staying silent, leaving the room, going to to ladies’ room, etc. etc. Well recently I started standing in the circle again. I just stayed silent and stared straight ahead (I bow my head to no god, I honor but do not grovel). I did this to try to not be too ‘weird’ or ‘controversial’.

Well this guy comes up to me after the meeting (a newly born again Christian) and says “Oh wow I’m so proud of you, you’ve really come a long way and matured.”

Now I saw this guy when he came into AA several years ago, all beat up. I saw him change, and was happy for him. But honestly I had no clue why he was saying this to me, I had been sober for a decade already when he came in. So I asked him what he was talking about.

“You have obviously accepted the one true god now that you stand in circle and say the prayer. You have matured.”

I looked that jerk straight in the eye and said:

“I will never say a prayer from a book that says that witches should be killed. I totally accept you embrace your religion and that it is good and helpful for you. But don’t you dare patronize me and think I have forsaken my gods because I stand in the circle. And your smug remarks that becoming Christian is maturing for me shows that you know nothing about true spirituality, which can embrace all religions, or none at all.”

And now I know I will never stand in an AA circle where they say that prayer again. I will never place myself in a position in AA when people can surmise I have abandoned my gods, who are instrumental to my sobriety. And I will stand outside that circle, if they choose to keep saying that prayer, to show that freedom of choice is alive and well, and groupthink will not intimidate me.

So it is lonely sometimes on the outside, but like the Constitution of the United States, I design my program not for the will of the majority to be imposed on me, but for the rights of the minorities to be protected.

To Thine Own Self Be True! 3 years ago

I read this on an elist I belong to and it’s simple: when I find myself going on a rant, or angry can’t shut up sort of thing, I just need to come to a…

..full stop. Hit the brakes, look for traffic.

Just be quiet and don’t say anything, and let it pass until I speak. I do the same thing in print, email too. Heck, I delete a lot. The nice thing is I don’t hurt feelings, don’t get in awkward spots as much. I do it somewhat preemptively now, also.

So when the situation comes where I feel I must speak (like if someone’s being a bully and the target needs backup) I am indeed more confident in speaking because I don’t have as much of the old tendency to blather on.

Nice. A part of me I’m developing that I really like. 3 years ago

where there is someone who is bothersome, and I don’t want them around at all, but I don’t have a hatred or strong feelings. I am just so over that person. So I send them on there way, avoid them etc. My saying for this is:

I wish you well
But well away from me! 3 years ago

Sometimes I just have to leave a person, place, situation. Goodbye is the motto.

Last night Je and I went to a little restaurant close by. It was about a half-hour before closing time. It was a nice little Italian place, with cloth napkins and such. It was rather fancy. We had a pizza, and dessert. Nice. There were several other people there, and one came in after us.

Well it was about closing time when we got the check. They started playing this horrible music really loud and with audio disturbances, and it was bad. Painful to the ears. Now we were not staying late, we understood they wanted to close, we were simply waiting to pay the check. So we quickly reduced the tip we left to less than 10% as the music blasted and they just kept looking over and laughing. Then they kept turning the music on and off suddenly as if to shock us. We were not dawdling, we were paying the check. We had not even ordered coffee as we didn’t want to be rude and linger. The other couple there looked shocked too. The staff were laughing as we ran out into the cold night without putting on our jackets to escape the painful noise. This was just a few minutes after the restaurants official close. What….jerks. To put an end on our date night like this.

We got home and Je quickly wrote a negative review of the place on a local dining site. A couple of other people mentioned the rudeness of the staff. I might try to contact the owner and let him/her know too. These people need to be replaced.

So to that restaurant, a simple motto: Goodbye. Your location is great for us, the food was good and reasonably priced, but I wouldn’t trust your staff for anything (such as putting something noxious in the food). There are some truly nice decent people at other locations in our area we will continue go to and tip 20+ percent. People that we have gotten to know (and they know us) on a first-name basis. Restaurant staff who know us and know we treat them with respect, always. They are happy to see us walk in the door, as we are happy to see them again.

So, Goodbye, pretentious restaurant and staff. Goodbye. 3 years ago

“If you have to compete you’ve already lost.”

In other words, someone either naturally loves you or they don’t. I think the Bachelor TV shows are so depressing, all those women fighting over a stupid guy. Ugh.

I coined this phrase when I was in the awful relationship with this guy many years ago, and he was running around with the other gal. We were living together and he just had this secret girlfriend he wouldn’t let go of. It was sooo bad, until I finally just stopped competing with her and let him go. He went to live with her. I eventually caught him cheating on her, which shows it’s just him. I stopped competing, and won by default.

My last boyfriend cheated on me and I just dropped him out of my life instantly because of this motto. I wouldn’t take him back when he crawled back. Uh-oh, I won’t compete or live in that fear.

This freed me up to meet Hubby Je, whom I know adores me and never puts me in that kind of despair. He’s a true-blue guy.

We just walked away from a coven that wouldn’t elevate us to the next place, even tho we deserved it and earned it, and those who came in after us were elevated ahead of us. Rub my face in it. So we realized that we weren’t competing anymore, and we walked away, which of course is when they contacted us and elevated us. So it worked, in a way, cause they did want us. In a way.

So I do this in friendships and other relationships too. I don’t contact someone more than a couple of times, if they don’t respond, I walk away. I trust the universe will fill the void. So because of this, I don’t always get what I want, but I do keep my dignity, which I’ve found is a very good trade-off.

“So if I have to compete, I’ve already lost.” 3 years ago

and I develop sayings and philosophies for them. They are not necessarily profound, they simply work for me. An example is in the last term of school, I kept thinking of the little choo-choo train from childhood stories, the “I know I can, I know I can.” Stuff like that. Simple.

Another one of my favorites is from Vernon Howard,
“Emotional pain is when personal fantasy meets reality.”

That’s like an equation:
Emotional pain = Personal fantasy + reality

So it’s like math, balancing the equation. If I examine my fantasy, and remove it from my thinking, then the equivalent on the the side of the equation, the emotional pain, disappears too.

Emotional pain = Personal fantasy + Reality

Reality. Nice neighborhood to live in.

Awesome. So I try to look where my thinking is wrong. Not so easy, but it pays off. The steps of AA help a lot.

Gotta be catchy. Cause I ain’t that deep (another motto lol). 3 years ago