fall in love and be loved in return

we really loved eachother..

My boyfriend has been texting me in the morning….just to tell me he loves me.
I love it! I love him!

That’s all I have to say….Ugh….

I received the perfect kiss from my boyfriend this morning. He put his arms around me and kissed me…actually twice. It made me feel so happy inside….. wouldn’t it be nice to have that every morning?

I want to be loved without question! I want a love who knows that I am THE ONE! I want someone who will treat me like I am the only woman on earth. I want someone who sees me and ONLY me in his future.
Is that too much to ask for?

...I’ve met the right person for this. It’s new but it feels right and it feels mutual and good. She really does seem like a good one and seems to feel the exact same way about me. We sort of seem to connect in that we have this underlying understanding of each other. I don’t know, something just seems to feel deeper than it normally feels. Like we connect? But in a more honest and sincere way than women I’ve been with in the past. Maybe the difference is is that she’s a real genuine person.

The thing is, she’s very beautiful and sweet but I don’t know that necessarily everyone would go for her. I think maybe because she is so real, genuine and down-to-earth, which you would think would be what people would want, but in LA people tend to look more for flash or for the unobtainable or messed up. My point being, to me, she’s a pretty ideal catch, and I know anywhere else in the US she would be a hot commodity. So, I guess I’m pretty lucky in this big town that I met someone who seems a lot like me:)

I was so upset and in deep conversation with one of my best friends the other day. Crying because the loneliness gets so painful at times. And God told me a while ago- I’m supposed to be alone right now. And I ignored him. And I kept searching. And I kept getting hurt and didn’t understand why- until this conversation I had. And I get it now. And I’m trying to be okay with being alone. But I feel like God spoke through my friend- and like he was mad at me for not listening. Not paying attention. Not having faith that he would bring someone to me in due time.

So I get it now- but that doesn’t mean I’m not still lonely. And waiting for him to change his mind. God does answer us- it’s just not always the answer we want.

how afraid I was of really putting myself out there. I’m scared. I’m scared I’m not what he thinks I am. I’m scared I’m not really what he wants. I’m scared that it’s not possible- because I know it’s not plausible.

I open myself up, and I’ve put everything out there. And what do I get? I get 30 minutes of waiting. When someone invites you over, the least they can do is let you in. It’s like my heart has been shattered into a million pieces- again. I’m alone- again. And I’m looking to the stars for some sign from God- again. And no one is answering. What did I do in a past life to deserve to be treated so badly… and to end up alone, every night?

I think that says it all… I think almost everyone wants this. Patience is a virtue, I hear. But patience is hard to have when all I’m doing is getting older.