fall in love and be loved in return

I feel like I got closer than ever on this one but it didn’t happen-but dammit I started this year being kissed by a guy who was mad for me and dammit I am determined to end it that way too.

I always fall in love. I don’t think there’s any point in my life where I haven’t been in love with somebody, or something. It’s just that in the past I have been careless with my love, putting it in places where it wasn’t respected, needed, or appreciated.

I’ve raised my standards a bit since then and decided that now I need to find a true and genuinely selfless love, and only fall in love with people who can love me back the way I need them to.

It’s sad to say that I’ve never felt actual LOVE FOR anyone other than my family (I’m only 16, so I have time).

I feel like I’m missing out on the one thing that redeems us as people in life. I want to feel someone’s love for me and give it with all of my energy

I want to find real love

I’ve been dating this really, really amazing guy for a short while now. Things have moved much faster than I am normally comfortable with, but I’m really okay with it. I’ve never been treated so well in all my life. And he’s more than worth falling in love with.

Who was that European artist who did that song? It’s right on. I spent my first 22 years hunting for love (even if I was in denial) and all I found was trouble. When love happened, I wasn’t looking for it and resisted with all my might. Now that it’s gone again (not the love, just the relationship), I realize that old saw about it being better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all is also right on. The tricky part about all of these sayings, full of wisdom though they may be, is that it’s all in the interpretation and execution. So I say don’t suck too hard on your lollipop.

I’m lonely. It’s hard to have patience sometimes. Especially when everyone around you is starting to obtain what you want. Jealousy haunts me, and I’m not bitter yet because I know it’s not my time.

But that doesn’t mean it’s not hard to cope.

we really loved eachother..

...I’ve met the right person for this. It’s new but it feels right and it feels mutual and good. She really does seem like a good one and seems to feel the exact same way about me. We sort of seem to connect in that we have this underlying understanding of each other. I don’t know, something just seems to feel deeper than it normally feels. Like we connect? But in a more honest and sincere way than women I’ve been with in the past. Maybe the difference is is that she’s a real genuine person.

The thing is, she’s very beautiful and sweet but I don’t know that necessarily everyone would go for her. I think maybe because she is so real, genuine and down-to-earth, which you would think would be what people would want, but in LA people tend to look more for flash or for the unobtainable or messed up. My point being, to me, she’s a pretty ideal catch, and I know anywhere else in the US she would be a hot commodity. So, I guess I’m pretty lucky in this big town that I met someone who seems a lot like me:)

I was so upset and in deep conversation with one of my best friends the other day. Crying because the loneliness gets so painful at times. And God told me a while ago- I’m supposed to be alone right now. And I ignored him. And I kept searching. And I kept getting hurt and didn’t understand why- until this conversation I had. And I get it now. And I’m trying to be okay with being alone. But I feel like God spoke through my friend- and like he was mad at me for not listening. Not paying attention. Not having faith that he would bring someone to me in due time.

So I get it now- but that doesn’t mean I’m not still lonely. And waiting for him to change his mind. God does answer us- it’s just not always the answer we want.