Sometimes I feel sad for no apparent reason. Maybe its depression. Perhaps its just me.
Ive come to realise recently that I am a Highly Sensitive Person… it explains why sounds bother me so much, why I love peace and quiet, why I get overwhelmed and exhausted around people, why Ive become increasingly jumpy, why I seem to absorb and reflect other peoples emotions, and why comments bother me so much.
Ive not yet figured out a way to deal with these things, but I am accepting of them. Work has been an enormous test… lunching alone has been a necessary struggle if I want to get through the day, of course, not going with my colleagues doesnt sit well with everyone and the incessant comments about my antisocial behaviour is something that affects me daily. In fact, comments about any aspect of me is something I try to ignore. I am sensitive and take things to heart… I know most of the time its banter, but part of me feels that some of what they say may have an element of truth.
After admitting to finding several guys in the canteen attractive, I was subject to being the talk of the office. It took me back to my younger years where guys would be teased for knowing I fancied them… maybe I imagined it, but Ive not known anyone to be pleased by that thought. I wish Id kept it to myself… Im tired of being alone, but am loathe to admit it especially in the face of rarely being fancied.
The guy from the dating site Im talking to is still in the picture. He said a few things to me a few days ago, that suggested he needs someone who can keep him guessing… not sure that would be me. As much as Im still learning about myself, his ability to read me makes me feel so exposed. 4 months ago