Realize that some people are never going to be the people you thought they might be and be ok with that

NEWSFLASH!! The world DOES NOT REVOLVE AROUND YOU WENDY!!! I am tired of making up excuses for you and rationalizing your selfish behavior! I am officially cutting you out of my life! Find some other poor slob to boss around and be your lackey!!

and just takes time to put this into perspective and realize people may not be who thought they were or what they thought of you, I just need to be OK with that and move on, there are too many nice people out there that you come in contact with on a daily basis that make life enjoyable and I shouldn’t a one or two get in the way of that.

The reason some people are facsinating is because no matter how well you think you know them they can surprise you.

a lot about people from my past. It’s very disconcerting to me that people are capable of such intense, integral change. I am so distant from some of my former closest friends. It’s a little bit frightening, because sooner or later, what if I don’t meet new people to fill up the space left from those who have left my life?

But I really am in a good place. It’s a little shaky, because I’m still figuring out so much about myself and what it is I want out of life. But I have such a more formed idea than even this time last year. I have to trust that I will get up and actually do it.

I guess we all do?

I have had to deal with the loss of a friendship this week, a female friendship of about 10 years. A misunderstanding about money has turned very ugly. I can’t believe some of the nasty things that spew forth in her emails.

But, then again, I have had to listen to her ‘opinions’ for the last couple of years -

• you shouldn’t be on anti-depressants, you shouldn’t be on all that medication (what, it’s better I be suicidal and miserable?)
• you need to go out and get a job (instead of being happy for me that I got on disability)
• you are wasting your money going to the Naturopathic Doctor and taking those herbal things
• you are wearing those lesbian sandals (Birkenstock’s, which I love)
• you are paranoid (brushing my teeth with bottled water in a foreign country)
  ... and on and on.

It’s a shame when a ‘friend’ can’t be happy and supportive, instead of jealous and full of put-downs.

...that living without high expectations of people is better. I’ve come to understand that you cant change people or make them be what you want them to be, and that almost every person I’ve met has turned out to be completely different to what I’ve expected. It’s a good thing though.

Someday… maybe…
The trouble with people is that they show little flickers of divinity, and something in you leaps up and shouts “Yes! There it is! I knew it!” And then the next moment you remember that, oh, right, everyone in sight is human, and thus they are never going to be what they might have been… and I’m not quite ok with that yet, but I try.
I’m getting there.

i never love nobody fully
always one foot on the ground
and by protecting my heart truly

i got lost
in the sound

i hear in my mind
all of these voices
i hear in my mind
all of these words
i hear in my mind
all of this music
and it breaks my heart

and it breaks my heart, and it breaks my h-e-a-r-t

**SUPPOSE
I never ever met you.
Suppose we never fell in love.
Suppose I never ever let you
kiss me so sweet
and so soft.

Suppose I never ever SAW YOU.
Suppose you never ever called.

Suppose I kept on singing love sings
just to break
my own
fall

just to break my f-a-l-l

(all my friends say that of course it’s gonna get better, gonna get better better better better)

oh, i never love nobody fully.
always
one foot on the ground.

and by protecting my heart
truly
i got lost
in
the
sounds

i hear in my mind, all of these voices
i hear in my mind, all of these words
i hear in my mind, all of this music
and it breaks
my
heart
and it breaks my heart
and it breaks my heart

i hear in my mind
all of these voices
i hear in my mind
all of these words
i hear in my mind
all of this music
and it breaks my heart
and it breaks my heart
it breaks my h-e-a-r-t

breaks my heart
breaksmyheart. anditbreaksmyheart, it breaksmyheart, and it breaksmheart,anditbreaksmyheart.

to everyone I know.

I have learned and realized this the hard way. I have learned that just because I think of a person in a certain way, it doesn’t necessarily mean that’s who they are. Many people put on false fronts. This is okay though. I discover the real person underneath (for better or worse) and adjust my relationship with them accordingly. I don’t need to waste my time with false hopes of who a person could be or spend time with fake people. I’m glad that I’ve realized this sooner rather than later.