get motivated

Today i’m not going to back down.

Last week I called all but three of my creditors to set up payments. Some of them are even helping me with my interest rates and all my racked up fees. That felt good. I just need to call the other three. I also have almost paid off my UND bill, which means I’ll actually be getting my degree in the mail. That will be nice.

I’ve also been researching grad schools close to home so that I can get my PhD. I’ve also been researching the GRE, I need to get that done.

I have stopped applying for jobs. But I have an interview this week for one. If that doesn’t work, I’m going to move in with my Grandma and look for a job up there. I believe there are more opportunities in that area.

If that’s not motivation, I don’t know what is :)

There are certain days that I’m on fire… I can tear through my work like a hot knife through butter. People smile at me when I walk the streets downtown, and the whole world is a bright place.

There are other days where it’s a struggle to stay focused and alert.

I know that I can control this, but the question is, how?

I have become a couch potato and it is showing. I always walk my dog every morning but it only winds up being for about 15 minutes max. Not enough to help me lose weight. Just 2 weeks ago I was diagnosed as having mild arthritis in my lower back and hips and a major factor in that was gaining so much weight and not exercising enough. I eat fairly well, not a ton of calories or fat is in my diet, in fact I eat a lot of unfried foods and alot of veggies and fruit but it’s the kickin back on my couch that is packing on the pounds for me. I don’t have enough income to get to a gym and buy a gym membership. I have 560 square feet of living space and a couple of 2 lbs free weights and a hand gripper. Is there anything I could use around my house or anything free that I can pick up and use to help me with exercising? Also any ideas or tips for getting motivated would be greatly appreciated. I also find it hard during those certain times of the month.

Bad things keep happening. And I can’t stop them. And I keep praying that they will stop, and that I will have a good life again. But deep down, I know that I won’t. I’m not suicidal or anything like that. Its just that basically I feel like my life is over. I am just existing.

I have little spurts of motivation… but I can never seem to hold them for very long. I get distracted by other, less important stuff. I want to actually stick to my studies instead of going off in all directions, but I can’t seem to concentrate on one thing. No clue what my problem is.

So I suck at this….this drags me down. Today..I have found the motivation to start unpacking and cleaning this new house!! Music was my key….I’ll stick to it, we’ll see how far I get….

It’s time to get over this and just call it done already. Procrastination and distraction will ALWAYS threaten to overtake my life, but at this point, the goal is really “Stay motivated” and that simply isn’t good enough to make the list. My list is too long, and it needs more substance, more true, actionable goals. This one I completed months ago and I’ve only left it here as a reminder. The habits I need have been established. If I become lazy again, it will be abundantly clear.

I should just give myself the satifaction of it already. I HAVE DONE THIS! And I should be able to admit that to myself.

...

Yay, me. :|

I realized awhile back that I’m horribly depressed. I’m bored of thinking the same pointless things. I am going to change my head. I am going to breath life back into my self. I’m at least going to get out of bed. I WANT A NEW DAY I WANT NEW THOUGHTS I WANT TO SEE THE SAME OLD THINGS FOR THE FIRST TIME.I’m gonna clean my beautiful garden my way and my mind is going to be at peace. No one and nothing can distract me.

I’ve been making a lot of changes in my life lately. So I don’t think the motivation is so much of a factor anymore… now I just need to direct it into the areas I want to see change. Maybe prioritization will be my next goal…