stop the pain, stop being a victim all the time, stop the lies, and just be happy...

i grew up with so much pain to bear…i was raped by my brother and was molested by my dad…i never knew what was happening then..as far as i can remember it has been like that…my brother lying on top of me…and as i grew older i thought it was normal…not until i was in 2nd year high school…we had sex education and my techer was saying about virginity! and it crushed me…realizing what happened to me that time, i tried to kill myself…but im still here trying to survive…all i can do is pretend that i am ok and that i have a normal life…then i fell in love…the guy i build my whole world around, promised me he loves me then one day, he picked me up from school and we went to his place…then my pain started again…he raped me…then left me for some girl…then i became so daring that no matter how i try to make all my pain go away it just keeps on hunting me! so i stopped trying…i started to be as wild as i can be…then i met this guy again felt loved again…then i got pregnant, got married and now my life is still full of pain! with all regrets…when will this end? im losing my sanity!