obtain inner peace

I had this young friend from work whom got pregnant a year ago, with no place to live. So my husband and I allowed her to stay on our couch for a month while she figured some things out. She ended up moving in with her boyfriend(father of the baby)and we lost contact. After she gave birth this past June, she called me out of the blue. We talked and started to hang out once in a while. Though because of her young age it was hard for me to connect with her on a close level. We would exchange babysitting services. I would watch her baby overnight once a week, and every other week she would babysit for my two toddlers one afternoon.
She is the type of person that can’t keep her mouth shut. She is egotistical and self-involved. She radiates negative energy and is very messy. I thought all of this was due to her being 19. It is my belief her boyfriend broke up with her because of her selfish attitude. In which case this left her and her infant with no place to go. So once again my husband and I allowed her to move in. This time we gave her her own room, moving my 3 year old into my 4 year olds’ tiny bedroom. We had no written agreement, but held a ‘family’ meeting to discuss the terms of her lease. Her ex would give us 500 dollars in a deposit fee for 2 months of rent. She had to take care of her own baby and keep a job. I would continue to babysit while she was at work. She had to keep custody of the baby and make steps to save her money and better her life. We would help her with her music career and her schooling. She did not have to pay us any further monies or buy her own food. The only house work she had to do was pick her clothes up out of the bathroom and keep her room clean. She started with finding a job within the first week of moving in. She made dinner once a week. So we would drive her to her open mics and band practices. She started to take advantage of this and decided that her music was more important than keeping a job. She had no money for her daughter so my husband and I started supporting the baby. And then the company I worked for went out of business. This left money tight, yet she still could not hold a job. She started to leave the baby around the house without telling me where she was going or even asking me to babysit. She started to expect my taking of her baby. I came to prefer this because she only thought of her new born as an accessory, and her baby deserved to be loved. I have over 10 years experience in early childhood education. I have raised 2 of my 3 little brothers and have 3 children of my own. She was never home, but not because she was working or going to school, but because she preferred to party and get drunk. Her excuse when confronted was that she knew I didn’t want that type of behavior at home. I wanted her to better herself so I got papers of child support so she could at least have something for her baby, of which she ignored and did not file. The entire time of her living with us was 4 months of hell. She left hair allover the bathroom, left dirty dishes all over the house, yelled at my children, partied out all night, and her friends called the house well past midnight. My stress level started to build and I confronted her about her behavior. She then informed me,that this was her world and I was lucky enough to live in it. Not exagerating. Because of her refusal to help herself, I gave her 3 weeks to find a new place. In one weeks time she quit her new job in attempt to make us let her stay because of her having no money for a place to go. she then continued to party, until she came home one afternoon and started yelling at me for not coming to her open mic. The first one I had not attended due to a family death. She was more important than a dying uncle. which enraged me and I kicked her out right then and there. She called me and my husband f’d up. She screamed how she would never talk to me again. That she hated this house and my kids. My husband convinced me not to make her eat her teeth or light her stuff on fire. It has been a week since she has been gone. Yet her possesions still take up most of the space in the carport and we can not park our car under there anymore. she did resurface to pick up some of her things at which point she accused me of stealing her guitar, not realizing she had taken it to her band mates place, because she got to drunk to remember where it was. But 90 percent of her junk is still here. Cleaning out her room was a horrible task. I found dirty dishes, the floor was all sticky, there were gashes in the wall and stickers on my husbands 1800’s antique dresser. Not to mention the dick and balls and used condoms I found under the couch. Keep in mind this is a room intended for a 3 year old. I am not an angry or violent person, but this girl really brought all of my hate right out of me. Since being kicked out I heard she gave custody of the baby to her ex. This is a relief. Though apparently she has since gotten fired from her newer job and got kicked out of her band. What goes around comes around. I feel hurt though because my husband and I are private and simple people and we tried to help someone that did not appreciate anything.

Inner peace paves it’s way when we use lesser mind. Open ur heart to the surrounding around u and feel the peace. its there surrounding u… Peace is in the Air!

Three tours (546 days) inside of a combat zone, starts to erode the ability to sanely rationalize ANY given situation. When death and destruction can be forgotten within minutes, how do you come back? What is NORMAL? When you WAKE UP angry and on the edge, trusting no-one, WHO can help you?? My peace of mind turned into a piece of shit.

Quiet the mind, and hear the deeper truth. Go throughout life without ever feeling “busy” or “overwhelmed” by the craziness of the world. Taking it all as it is.

One has to have inner peace…. right? :)