stop regretting

i pretty much need to delete all my other goals and just have this one because GOD my mind is painful sometimes.

why can’t i just live everyday and be happy with how i feel i came across?
why can’t i interact with people and be happy about how it went?

It seems like every day there is a new thing to feel bad about… and then yesterdays thing that haunted me seems distant and not that bad anymore.

but some things live on.
& i just want to runaway.
but sadly this does nothing.
i kind of did run away.i loved to santa barbara and started fresh but the memories of awkwardness or being seen as something that i’m not or being seen as anxious/scattered, etc etc

having ppl add me on myspace bc they likd my pictures and thought i was pretty and had cute feminine clothes…
i was always afraid i’d run into them in real life and disappoint them.

i’d probably go into ‘fight or flight’ (i just had a physio test about this today !) (the sympathetic nervous system) and blush. and then be embarrassed that i blushed, and blush more. and i wouldnt know what to say and i’d feel so vulnerable, so judged, so..inadequate.

“i just want to runaway” i would think to make myself feel better—but it’s an illusion.

you cant runaway from the past you have to accept it and MOVE ON.

i need to stop having regrets.
stop worrying about the future GOD just let it freaking happen.
its going to happen, why worry?
worrying does nothing.
it doesn’t improve the future, does NOT do anything to the past…
it’s purely negative and purely a burden that we put on ourselves !

yes, i ranaway…but i am still me… sometimes that’s sad bc (especially lately) I have caused some regretful event to happen everyday and it seems that i always have some new thing that i’m feeling horrible about !
or just feeling stupid about.

and all semester it was freeing and i didnt care what ppl thought of me and i felt so cute.
so unknown, it was so secure/safe.
but now my teachers are getting to know me and i guess thats good…but i’m feeling more and more awkward/scattered.

i guess tomorrow in english i can start off by not caring.
looking cute.
but no heels…not too over the top.
and just relaxing.
i’m an introvert so being around people is so draining.
iget anxious and scattered and i feellike i dont know what to say…and 2nd guess myself and look back and always feel like i chose the wrong thing to say.

its all bad.

so tomorrow.
i am not going to sit by this gross obnoxious guy that flirts by insulting and he’s just hurtful to me and i never know what to say back to him and it just makes me feel bad (bc he’s saying horrible things) and also i feel inadequate bc i never know what to say

so i’m not going to sit by him.
and i’m not going to care.
i’m going to breathe.
i’m going to keep in mind that every new day, every new moment is an opportunity to start fresh

you can change someone’s impression of you instantly.
people change…
if you’ve been this shy person all year, and then you start being open and outgoing, people are going to change their opinion of you.
every day is a new chance

tomorrow, i’m going to take that chance and do nothing with it.
go to class.
smile.
nod.
and don’t do anything that i will feel stupid about later.

i stopped regretting the the regrettable deed that was regrettably done. it feels good. dont force it though. time heals all wounds etc etc

basically i escaped all potential consequences, and i have talked to the person i regret this about. i am almost ready to be done this. almosttttttttttttttt

i made some bad choices in my life back in september, now i’m sorting things out. i made a huge step toward coming to terms with my mistake and i hope that soon i’ll be able to check this off as “WORTH DOING!”

“Mistakes don’t meana thing if you don’t regret them.”

Just because something happened and maybe it was bad, it doesn’t mean you have to sit there feeling sorry for yourself. You can’t live for the future if you’re stuck in the past. Get out there and try to improve the situation, learn from your mistakes.

You think that everyone else who does something, or allows something to happen, regrets it? Not likely. Recent poll studies have shown that people who can let go, and relax with with the flow of life live approximately 3 yrs longer than those who are frozen with regret. What??! Craziness, you say. I say, bring on the reflection, bring on the forgiveness, I can do unremarkable things in a 3 year time span!!!