find myself, know myself and then be myself

sounds o easy.

......... but its so not!!!

I posted comments on this thread over two years ago…...

I find it intriguing that I can ‘lose’ oneself and then ‘find’ oneself again. It’s like amnesia, I’d like to call it the Game of Amnesia. It’s like Monopoly or The Game of Life. You get all the way around the board and get back to the starting point….That’s the place where you find oneself again. No sooner does one start out again from the starting point and began the process of forgetting all over again.

how can i become famous
how can i earn money
how van i know which field is best for me

this all started..well…i’ve always wanted to…but i didnt take drastic action until about a year ago.I decided that the best way to do this was to be alone, so i had to end my relationship, which wasnt helping my emotional state anyway, from then on I’ve been trying to look at life in different perspectives, questioning, and finding out what i want out of life.

I dropped out of university, i was studying criminology, it was great but i knew it wouldnt make me happy. So i went back to study art and design, and will receive my diploma in June!!

I have also applied to study graphic and media design for illustration at London College of communications….and i got in!!!

I really feel like i’m on the right path to finding myself, knowing myself and being myself, even though i have wasted a lot of money doing it…...also i hate money, worst invention ever!

:)

that I have completed this. I feel like I have more eliminated who I am not from my repitoire (if anyone knows how to spell this please correct me!) but I still am not sure about who i am. Any pointers.

i think it will be a fun game to find myself, especially since im in high school and im always constantly changing what im doing and canceling plans i need to slow down and start considering what i need to do instead of trying to do what other ppl think i should do

Nobody can change who I am. Only I can decide who I am and sometimes change it if I want to. But I must think hard before I change the way I am. I shouldnt lie to myself if I know that I would become a bad person if I change something about myself. I cant just build myself and my happiness upon someone’s pain and sacrifice for my own good. Nobody can change who I am but I can still work with others to build who I am in a good way.

I used to be so secure about my decisions, my choices, so many areas of my self, then I got married, got to really know how people can change after marriage, and I’ve been going back and forth about a possible divorce since about 7 years ago, and I’ve just turned into somebody so different..keep hoping she hadn’t said the things she has..

I’m taking steps toward this on a daily basis. I’m now conscious and have ceased escaping from what is real. I am who I hang with. Like attracts like. I’m reading. I’m afraid. I’m happy. I’m working on it…every day. I did my autobiography for a group I’m in and they said it sounds like I need to “stop betraying/abandoning myself.” I chase things away that are good and say things like, “he/she was being nice and I couldn’t handle it.” That’s silly.

It’s an INTERNAL struggle. I need to look inside myself to find me, not to any book. I can’t blame or transfer responsibility for myself. That’s delaying the goal in mind.

P.S. on a fun note, I died my hair dark. Just for a change.

(The pic is me @ work…yes I have a rosie the riveter poster in my cubicle.)

how can i find my self..