become straight-edge

I drink very seldom. When I do drink it has been binge-drinking- which is worse than only a few drinks a day. Alcoholism runs in my family so I know I need to stay away from it.
I don’t smoke.
I drink coffee, which technically is a drug… so do I stop having caffeine too?

and im already desperate for a drink… :(

going good…. havnt smoked any cigs, even though i have a full packet.
most likely because i have a cold, but also, definately also because i just dont want to.
it IS going to be hard, not because i dont really want it, but i am an addict. not just to the cigs but to anything i can be really, coke, alcohol, caffeine, love, everything.
but i do not want to be that person anymore!!! so im just going to stick right on it.
everyone says ‘it would be easy if you really wanted to do it’ but thats such shit.
listen to me, i DO NOT WANT TO BE ADDICTED ANYMORE i mean it, i really mean it.
and its writing these little pep blogs that helps me feel positive about it and not do it.
i have a bottle of wine in the fridge and a can of beer and half a bottle of vodka. i also have a full packet of cigarettes. but i dont want to get rid of these things. NOT because im anticipating a failure, because right now i feel really strong. (ho knows what the next minute will bring…) but because if i know i have them close to hand, it stops that extra little panicky desperation which is what builds and the avalanches
if i want it, its there. but i dont want it. so i dont need to worry or think about it.
psycho samatic, (or whatever the phrase is!) you see?
i am going to the pub tonight with my house mate for a social type of thingy, and im just going to drink coke.
i really hope this works, i do not want to be writing an entry tommorrow saying ‘oops i fucked up’
wish me luck…

i spoke to my friend jamie yesterday, she is sxe.
and she said her secret is treating her body as though she were pregnant… which is a really really great way of looking at it. because if you were pregnant you wouldnt dream of doing anything to harm your child. so why would you harm yourself??
and i have been pregnant, and the only thing i could think of was how to preserve that little life inside me and how to protect it as best i could using my body as its little protective bubble.
so i remember that feeling, maybe i have a good chance of looking after this body and treating myself correctly.
and being kind to myself.
i dont deserve to wreck my life and my body through misuse and abuse.

im a bit scared though.

i am hoping to make this committment and make it lifelong. i want to value myself and i want to be worth something. drinking and drugs and promiscuous sex are so shallow and degrading, you become the pond life. and it doesnt feel good.

This is not such a very difficult goal for me as I don’t smoke and already drink very little alcohol. only when I am offered something new to try by a friend or at a restaurant or something like this, and I am too curious to resist… but I would like to stop this too, for one year at least, starting now :)!

HEY! I SAID WHERE HAS EVERYBODY GONE TO?!!!!
GET THE FUCK BACK HERE!!!!!!

where has everybody gone to?

straight edge it the best way t o go i mean u get the shance to be pure again and thats more important and better than any high any drunkenness and and casual sez u could ever get!

i don’t really feel like saying i will NEVER drink again is right for me. i enjoy going out and having a drink or two and dancing sometimes. it isn’t like i am an alcholic or anything, i hardly ever drink at all, but the more i think about it, the more i realize this “goal” is not for me. however, i do admire those people out there that are sXe. stay golden.

I drank very few times in my earlier ages.. but what’s the point? Why is it so much fun to get drunk with a huge group every weekend? Seriously it makes no sense to me. When did people give up on being themselves so they could act like someone else? It’s really lame..
ALSOSMOKING wtf why do people find this so attractive? Smoking is terrible for you and for the people around you.. I wish everytime someone smoked they’d get kicked in the nuts for taking away time from my life with the terrible smell..