Christmas is often shortened to Xmas, not sure why, I just know that’s what happens. So basically X=Christ. So then Malcolm X is Malcolm Christ, and then you have the Christ-rays to see if you have broken bones, the Christ-Men comic books series, Christ marks the spot on treasure maps, and it goes on and on all the way to Triple Christ rated movies. 2 years ago

If somebody gives a good public performance, whether it be in music, acting, sports, or oratory, why do people clap to signify their approval? Who came up with the idea that slamming your hands together repeatedly meant that you enjoy something? Why not slap yourself in the face repeatedly, ‘cause it makes a similar sound and definitely shows you really enjoyed something if you are willing to slap your own face to show approval. I don’t understand. 2 years ago

I think at some point in time in everyone’s life, they try to figure out what their first name would be if it was spelled backwards. It’s usually a fun little game for everyone…unless your name is Naomi or Marissa… 2 years ago

Dear Juice Makers,
When you dehydrate grapes the result is raisins. When you dehydrate plums the result is prunes. There is grape juice, but no raisin juice. There’s no plum juice, but there is prune juice. Why isn’t this consistent? There should be grape and plum juice OR raisin and prune juice, not half of one and 50% of the other. Mrs. and Mr. Juice Maker please rectify this situation so the juice aisle is no longer torturous on my simple little mind. Thanks. 2 years ago

While waiting for my bags to meet me in the bowels of the airport in Milwaukee, I noticed a man standing where the bags slide down on to the luggage merry-go-round. He was in his late 50s maybe earlier 60s wearing what appeared to be a normal T-shirt until he uncrossed his arms and I read what was written on his shirt. “Pain is just weakness leaving your body!” So I walked over to him and punched him in the face as hard as I could and then told him that there was no charge for me helping him get rid of some weakness. Okay so that last sentence never happened in the real world, but in my mind I punched him a bunch. If you wear a ridiculous shirt like that I think any beating that comes your way is justified. 2 years ago

While attending a baseball game, I noticed that most people do not understand what ice cold means. The vendors that thankfully roam the stands throughout the game, make it easy for those who do not want to miss any action while buying some beer. The beer man is probably the most loved vendor at the game, so I understand why other vendors try to copy his sales pitch. “Ice cold beer here! Pure genius! “Ice cold water here!” Pure stupidity. What happens to water when it becomes ice cold? That’s right it no long is water as it freezes and becomes ice. So when the water vendors yell this, what are they selling, water or ice? It makes sense that beer can be ice cold because the alcohol lowers the freezing point. Stop trying to sell me ice. 2 years ago

If you read in bed before falling asleep be careful because spiders are setting traps for you. I usually don’t care one way or the other about spiders, but after waking up a few mornings with a new very itchy, spider bite, I deemed they would not be allowed to survive in the house. Just trying to defend myself as they attacked first (or at least that’s how i justify it to myself). If spiders weren’t bad enough, the heat began attacking me in my sleep too, so I combat the heat with my trusty ceiling fan. A few nights ago, I saw a spider scampering across the ceiling with a very hungry look upon his face. In order to not become a nighttime snack, I grabbed a Kleenex from the box and stood up to attack. The spider saw my none too sneaky approach and made a run for it. I followed. Unfortunately the spider went toward the ceiling fan which was happily spinning on high battling the heat, I cut him off and crushed him as my head entered the ceiling fan’s blade range. After three or four thunks from the ceiling fan, I stepped back and realized the spider set a trap for me. Trying to incapacitate me by luring me into the ceiling fan. Very tricky, but now I know for next time. 2 years ago

If I ever get a troll as a pet, I think the only possible name to give him would be Liam Jelly. That way I could invite people over to the house to visit my pet troll Liam Jelly. Undoubtedly people would be taken aback as they assume that I said petroleum jelly and that would lead to an uncomfortable yet hilarious awkwardness. Now to just find a pet troll… 2 years ago

One thing I hate is trying to guess which toilet seat they dude before me did not use. Not much worse than sitting down on a pre-warmed public toilet seat. Nobody wins in that situation. 2 years ago

Dear Bikers,

If you’d like to share the road with my car, I am happy to do that as long as you follow the rules. Just because there is nobody at a 4-way stop does not give you the right to run a stop sign. Stop signs are not suggestions (like yield signs are), they mean you need to stop before you can go. If there is a red light, you are not allowed to hop on the sidewalk and use the crosswalk in order to not have to stop. You need to follow traffic laws if you want to be part of traffic. I would love to see a police officer pull you over for such infractions, but I know that won’t happen.

Thanks. 2 years ago

Why are all the professional sports teams (Lightning, Buccaneers, [Devil] Rays) from the city of Tampa called “Tampa Bay” and not Tampa? As far as I know they do not play in the bay. Green Bay is the name of a city and thus the Green Bay Packers. San Francisco has a bay, so why don’t the Giants, and Niners call themselves the San Francisco Bay Giants or San Francisco Bay 49ers? My guess is because adding “Bay” to the end of your city name (even when there is a bay nearby) is pretty lame. City of Tampa do something about this please. 2 years ago

Now that the Big Ten and Pac10 conferences have more than 10 teams each, when are they going to change their names? The Big Ten has had 11 teams for quite some time, but still seem unable to count past 10. To me, that would make me not want to go to a school in a conference that cannot count. 2 years ago

I think the biggest change in a word by switching only one letter is when the first ‘t’ in tasty gets switched to an ‘n’ and turns into nasty. 2 years ago

Why is it illegal to not where a seatbelt? I know they help save lives and when injuries do occur they minimize the damage, but why is it a law? If people want to not wear them, isn’t that their choice? Isn’t smoking and not using condoms a much bigger risk and I have yet to hear of anybody being ticketed for those. Just wondering… 2 years ago