Stop hiding who I really am

I think I’m doing this now, so I’m going to cross it off my list. I have pretty much admitted to myself who I am, and started living as such. It’s much nicer to live an authentic life. The problem is I’m a good actress, and I can “survive” while doing things that aren’t quite me, but were good enough. Except it became not good enough to do that any more. It’s like my health was reflecting the negative thoughts I had inside. There is no problem with who I am. I had to realize that before I could make this change though.

I guess my shields are mostly down now. All I have to do is get used to not having to use them! Yeah, as if that’s easy! It’s a giant thing weighing on my head and heart. Well, it was actually, now it’s not. And I’m just so used to carrying it. I’m not sure what to do.

Cleaning my room. That’s what I’m doing. Cleaning my physical space to make room for the new me.

Had an interesting talk with my mom yesterday. I’ve always thought of her as having high standards. But, I think I’m more critical and have higher standards for myself than she holds anyone to having. Maybe. Interesting realization. It’s just harder and harder to live, wearing my mask. Here’s hoping soon I won’t need it at all.