I’ve been making great progress with this. I’ve tried to stop feeling guilty about the rest of my family, and been focusing on me, my man, our dogs, and having a great life. My mom continues to see her gentleman friend and she seems happier.
But… it’s hard to explain, I still feel guilty sometimes, that I’m not visiting my mom enough, even though she never (and I mean, never) visits us. We’re scheduled to visit tomorrow, and so I phoned and asked if this was ok. She says “fine, but you’re not bringing those DOGS are you? Can’t you leave them at home?” (still not sure what she has against our dogs… they’re low maintenance, easy dogs, we always had dogs at home when I was growing up). I say no, we can’t leave the dogs at home all day in this warm weather, not that we would want to anyway. When I ask why, she says “I’ve just had a new sofa, it’s very expensive, I don’t want them jumping on it.”
I ask if this means that the dogs are not welcome on just this occasion, or is at ongoing thing. No, she doesn’t want to see them again, they have hairs and stuff.
To be honest I was so thrown by this pathetic reasoning, that I was speechless. I just said that we would make sure they didn’t get on the sofa, and hung up (our dogs sit on the sofas at home, but they don’t get on other people’s without being asked). I was bl**dy livid afterwards though. We had a similar thing last year, and I just gave her an ultimatum and said, our dogs are our kids, if they don’t come, we don’t come, and she grudgingly relented. The more I think about, the more cross I get about it though. We spend time and effort travelling over 100 miles to visit her, she never visits us. We have to take sandwiches with us because she doesn’t feed us. If a friend treated me that way, I would have given up long ago. Why do I bother??? Yes, she’s my mother, but she really doesn’t seem bothered. Grrr…
On a more positive note, I spent today making sure we had a great day to make up for the way I’m feeling about this. Fab lazy day, amazing warm (dare I say hot?) weather, gardening, reading, walks with the dogs :) Tomorrow will be a trial though. 2 years ago