touch more

at this point in her life. she danced tonight, very sweaty close quarters with friends and strangers alike. it was sweaty and gross. She was ok with it and HAD SO MUCH FUN! Also, H being close makes this a world easier. And also, the sex. Lots of the sex. sorry, pet is drunk.

of us touch, so it works well to be in staid comfort enough with someone.

Corey and Matty last night, plenty. But I have Touched them before

Still having trouble touching gals though. Or even talking about touching girls. Evidence, the Alicia-Robot conversation I had with Dave.

very much a lot of touching people and various surfaces at the bar last night. it was grand! though i knew they were filthy.

went to a funeral for a good friend yesterday. there was a lot of hugging there. good hugging. solid hugging. i was ok with it.

today, though, a friend who, like me, isn’t very into the touching confessed he just wants someone to hold him and tell him things will be ok, even if it isn’t true. but i didn’t comfort him. we just talked. his mom is dying, which is rough, but i can’t be that for him. i don’t think he understands. i probably wouldn’t either.

i have no problem with touching my husband, in fact, i like to be in constant physical contact with him, if possible. but it’s hard for me to touch others. even hugging friends and parents etc. yesterday was ok, because it felt appropriate, but i can’t do it very often. dead friend’s brother even whispered to me as we hugged “you always gave the best hugs.” I choked up a bit. So, somewhere in the last four years, did touch become bad?

fear of germs.
realness.
love.
fire.

last week was good for this. my love and i touched all the time, even if it was just little pats or laying our hands on each other’s shoulders or knees, it’s a good was to keep the connection open.