not have SAD this winter

I can’t say for certain that I have accomplished this goal, but I honestly think it’s downhill from here on out. After all, the days are already getting longer; I can kind of tell (and even if I can’t really tell, I can tell myself that they are).

Another reason for marking this “done” is that I’m making some progress on other goals that will help me avoid SAD (like getting out and eating right; exercise is the last thing I need to add, then I’m golden). I think that if I can just maintain my progress on those other goals, this one will take care of itself.

I got outside in it for a bit this morning (it’s freakishly warm here, so I was able to drink my breakfast tea on the porch) – planning to get back out in it again later today.

Let’s see, I’ve come up with a few other things to do. One, I desperately need to get my sleeping schedule back in order, and take that “go to bed before midnight” goal a lot more seriously. To that end, I’m going to start shutting down the computer earlier, and giving myself a good 30 min. or more of wind-down time before bed. I tried that last night, and while I still did not get up to my alarm, I certainly could have – and I was in a much, much better mood when I DID get up.

Two, I am taking St. John’s Wort, in tincture form. This is not for everyone, but it seems to agree with me, and I’m taking no other medication so there are no interaction worries. It does seem to make a slight difference, but I’m not sure if I’m imagining it or not.

Three, I’m trying to keep my bedroom/office more lit-up during the day. What the heck was I thinking, trying to save electricity?! It definitely improves my functioning, and just makes me feel better being in the room.

The other two factors I’m still missing: exercise and better diet. I’ve been slacking and eating a lot of carbs lately. I’m not one of those people that are anti-carb (far from it), but they need to be balanced with protein and more importantly, vitamins and fiber. I’m not balancing them lately, so that could be better.

As for the exercise, well, that’s a whole separate struggle in itself. But I’m going to try…

It’s happening…..............!

Though I think it’s a combo of SAD-tendencies and just general depression. I was wondering when it was going to hit me in earnest.

I didn’t really buy it until I started talking about it with my younger sister a few days ago and started getting all teared up. I’m really upset, but I had no idea – I couldn’t feel it through all the grey numb fatigue.

I wouldn’t say it’s especially severe (yet) – I’m not laying in bed moaning for days at a time – but I feel less and less like doing ANYTHING at all, and that worries me, seeing as I haven’t the luxury of doing nothing. I really need to start taking better care of myself, in all respects.

Once this week from hell is over, I’ll be able to do that much, much better.

I was tempted to stay inside and do homework (I have a lot). Instead, I made a “good mood date” with myself; I walked to the park and took a long, long walk (I probably did several miles). Walked all the way around the pond, and took photos of fall colors as I did. It was lovely, and I do feel a lot better overall.

Hopefully I tired myself out enough to go to bed at a reasonable hour this evening.

I really think a huge part of combatting this will be sleeping less, but I’m having a hell of a time getting myself out of bed in the morning. Didn’t do it this morning, either. Wondering how I can combat it. One thing I’ve thought of is getting a timer switch to put on my desk lamp and pointing it towards my bed, having it turn on just a bit before my alarm goes off. I’m hugely light sensitive, and my desk lamp can get pretty bright…

I’ve always had this tendency, but usually I don’t start feeling melancholy and tired until mid-January or so. However, this year, I’m finding myself sleeping a LOT. Part of it is due to the fact that I have the freedom to just sleep in if I want it these days – but it’s very out of character for me. I just don’t sleep in, or didn’t, in the bright light and sunny days of Colorado. But here in Central New York, I find myself sleeping 9 and 10 hours a night, several days in a row. When I get up, it’s not because I couldn’t just keep sleeping all day long if I allowed myself to. And when I do get up, although I don’t feel sad, exactly, I do feel, definitely, withdrawn.

That’s not particularly good, given the history of depression on both sides of my family, not to mention my goal about “reaching out instead of withdrawing”.

A big help would be just getting my Circadian rhythm back on track. I need to get outdoors while I still can, before it gets snowy. Maybe even after. And outdoors at a decent hour, soon after I wake up. I used to have a definite burst of energy when I got up in the mornings, and it sort of fueled the rest of my day. Waking up slowly and lazily is luxurious, but that’s what it should remain, at least for me – a luxury.

Second item would be getting more light in general. I’m thinking about a lightbox, but I’m also a poor grad student – if there’s a cheaper (or free!) way get more light to my pinneal gland (or whatever it is) – I’m going to try that first. We’ll see.

Third – well, I need to find some way of reaching out (see goal). I’m resistant to it – REALLY resistant, and I’m not sure why.