memorize an ironic poem of appropriate length so that the memorization can be used as a party trick, of course only at low-key, intellectualish parties

The following poem entitled “This Be the Verse” is made up of three four-line stanzas; I don’t seem able to preserve the spacing:

They fuck you up, your mum and dad.
They may not mean to, but they do.
They fill you with the faults they had
And add some extra, just for you.

But they were fucked up in their turn
By fools in old-style hats and coats,
Who half the time were soppy-stern
And half at one another’s throats.

Man hands on misery to man.
It deepens like a coastal shelf.
Get out as early as you can,
And don’t have any kids yourself.

--Philip Larkin

There’s something about a martini
A tingle remarkably pleasant
A yellow, a mellow martini
I wish that I had one at present.

There’s something about a martini
Ere the dining and dancing begin
And to tell you the truth
It’s not the vermouth
I think that perhaps it’s the gin.

-Ogden Nash

I may have a word or two wrong, but that’s what comes of memorizing

Also, if the poem has a good meter, it can help you zone out while you jog.

Memorize a great poem. It can be used not only as a parlor trick, but as a meditation device. Whenever I feel overwhelmed, a quick run-through of any number of poems calms me and centers me.

I have a few, but the one that seems to be most versitile is

The saddest thing I ever did see
was a woodpecker pecking on a plastic tree
he looks at me and, “Friend”, says he
“Life ain’t as sweet as it used to be”
Shel Silverstein

Best used during heated discussions about the sad state of affairs in the world…and while gazing into the distance.

I think this speaks for itself..

I give you now Professor Twist
The conscientious scientist
Trustees exclaimed, “he never bungles!”
and sent him off to distant jungles
Camped on a tropic riverside
One day he missed his loving bride
She had, the guide informed him later
Been eaten by an alligator
Professor Twist could not but smile
“You mean,” he said, “a crocodile.”