Someone just pointed out to me that I am sounding slightly more upbeat in my posts, and I know a turning point was what my assistant pastor and his wife had to say about my spiritual questions etc. However, at this moment right now, it’s mostly for coping purposes! lol I just finished filling out the most in depth questionnaire I think I ever have for a health-care professional. It was really diligently thorough, but terribly personal. yes, I paused to gulp. And we all know how I’m feeling about this already. It had to have taken me over an hour to answer everything. but in the apparent effort to cope, several things caught my eye…
1.) after answering the question about having difficulty in decision making, I was tempted to leave the rest of the form blank. ;)
2.) I laughed out loud and laughed good and hard at the innocent question “Does life right now seem entirely hopeless?” well, now that you mention it… lol It’s just worded so depressingly, that any poor person actually feeling that way could likely burst into tears! (I guess except for me since I did mark clearly yes in between fits of laughter. psycho-analyze that! lol) and no, he’s not that kind of doctor, so that should makes it even more interesting.
3.) To quell my surging fears and varied emotions when finally finished, I promptly decided I will be hunting down my assistant pastor’s wife tomorrow and telling her all about this if she’ll listen. I need someone who will understand why I, a perfectly sane person, am reacting insanely about all this. Knowing someone else is praying will help, plus just talking about these kind of things takes a lot of the fear’s power away.
4.) When I got to the end where you can add more detailed notes, I so wanted to put something like, “and my favorite color is….” because it seemed like they asked everything but that! :)
5.) I fully plan to interrogate the doctor with at least a few personal questions at my next appointment. Need to at least try to even the playing field. Good grief, he is going to know far too much about me. cue the anxiety. lol
and honestly? on a more placid note, it was not fun having to say in detail how sick you are and all your body goes through. Especially since I’ve been sick long enough to try to forget half of the symptoms in order to live. Do I ache, yeah. Am I sore, yeah. Am I weak physically, indeed. Do I want to focus on them every moment when they are not peaking to the surface of my radar? you bet your weight in gold, no! There is so much more to my character than that questionnaire shows. And I’m not sure if I want him to see that or not. I’m just not sure about a lot of this. Hence, the hunting down this lady tomorrow who has been so kind in the past, and hopefully will be understanding and helpful.
Life. well at least it’s never boring. :)
thank you to all who read my ramblings – it’s really sweet to be read. and I hope you know I do that for most of you in return as well!
(yes, indeed, I like who I am…. who God has helped me to want to become and be becoming. if that makes sense. lol) :)3 years ago