heal myself and others

I get a bit hit of satisfaction everytime someone says to me, “I think this is working”. I have a climber who’s in his 50s coming to me to work on an arm issue. I can tell he was skeptical but was open to giving my method a try. He seemed genuinely surprised the next visit when his pain was cut down by about half.

I really felt effective this week. I had two massage clients in a lot of pain and I was able to significantly relieve that and help them believe that perhaps they can put surgery off a little longer and heal on their own with some support from people like me.

...I’m trying to forgive people who’ve hurt me so I can stop thinking about it.

...I’m trying to accept when I could have conducted myself with more grace and not responded defensively.

...I’m trying to fill in the blanks of my personality where I need to grow up or change.

...when I get up I go through a list of thank you prayers that I feel good, that I don’t have a headache, etc. I’m following the idea that prayers of gratitude have more impact than the begging pleading type. It seems to help.

“When we see men of worth, we should equal them; when we see men of contrary character, we should turn inwards and examine ourselves.”
- Confucius

I had another tendonitis client (carpal tunnel etc.) She has a high paying writing job and has been on leave because of her affliction. She’s really scared because she believes she might actually be disabled by this. She’s gone to several doctors and depending on their point of view all give her escalatingly frightening diagnosis. I told her what might help from the body work perspective and said you know let’s try it because it won’t hurt. Afterward she could bend her elbow for the first time in months. Hurrah. Then she took her dumb huge horny dog for a walk and he saw a female and yanked her arm again. Oh well. Glad to give her some hope. I like this work because I feel like I help people hang on.

I guess I’m using this as an entry because it makes me sad that there are so many people in the world who feel ashamed and alone. I’m glad they have some place to tell the world about their deepest fears and weirdnesses. Still it makes me feel compassion for my fellow traveler.

My entire body really hurts. I’d like to figure this out. I’m worried that if I feel like this now, how will I feel in 20 years. My inner person doesn’t perceive myself like this. I see myself has a healthy, energetic, joyful person. What’s up.

Considering that every day I notice people who are overweight tend to be sick, YOU’D think this alone would move me to simply workout 2 to 3 times a week. I mean I like it. What’s the problem? I need to have a workout bag packed in the car for this to work.

On healing myself. I think I have a form of post traumatic stress disorder. I have an almost irrational fear of facing my money problems. I feel completely like a beaten childen when I talk about it. I’m actually better than I used to be. Less shamed about it. I seem to think that if anyone really knew my financial problems, it would be so unattractive that they wouldn’t love me. And the truth is, I don’t even spend money much. I just don’t make enough for us to live. Maybe that’s the panic. I know what to do (pay the bills) I just can’t act. And it goes on and on and on like that.