analyze less and just go for it in my personal life

I need to analyze less immediatly. Life will just not be enjoyable if you analyze every minute detail, every tone, everything.

THis boy told my friend he is interested in meeting a girl, and my friend suggested me. After seeing pictures he deemed me “cute.” I saw him at the cafeteria and talked and made a few jokes and i thought it went off perfectly. To be completely honest, I kind of got ahead of myself and imagined us dating, or something crazy like that.

Well him, me, my freind and this other guy were supposed to go to dinner. My friend calls that boy and he sounds very distancy-ish and point of the matter is, he cancels. He says hsi friend is sick(and the friend truly is sick) but made no really effort to change the date to make suer we do it again.

OUCHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. Immediatly i was filled with pain, thoughts of being hideous, thoughts about how horrible i am, or maybe i should have dressed cuter..orr

but then i realized, “just shut up.”

Seriously, SHUT UP.

Who cares?! its his loss, be his friend, live your life, who needs a boy, or someone to dictate how YOU feel about YOU. If he thinks i’m uglgy, so be it! But why should IIIII feel ugly about myself??

so yeah, this thought is leaving my head.
Now.

I have stopped analysing myself as much as I have done in the past but I am not to sure if this is not just pro-procrastination. In that I have moved my analysing to my work and use it to find the way forward within it. This is less detrimental as I am more objective about the work and also believe peoples opinions about the work than I would about me If they said I was good at something I would never take it on and dismiss it as niceties. Now I take the compliments and forget note the negatives as for further improvements not negatives.

Hmmmm… I don’t know.

Am I thinking about it too much?

however, i’ve reached a milestone, so i’d like to check this one off.

I am definately doing this !

that i’m finally done with school obligations and stress, i pledge to not analyze at all for a while.

a month of peaceful bliss and continuous flow is on the horizon.

wheeeeee!

i’ve been trying to go with my intuition.

desires and instincts help too.

stimulation -> action -> result

nobody believes me out of the people who know me personally. the way they see it is that i’m ‘technologically skilled’.

it must b my clever feminine disguise.

but i really am a geek.

i propose there should b an international no-thinking day. if we need to use stimulants such as marijuana, all the better.