mend a broken heart

So he did end up sticking around. And we did have some more angst at the start of the semester. Fun! But one day, it hit me. Out of the blue. We were talking online, and he made some comment about acting like a bro, and this was literally my thought process: “Wait. You don’t just act like a bro…you ARE a bro.* I hate bros. I don’t particularly like you. WHOA!” And then I had to stop myself from bursting into tears at work. Since then, though, my angst has ceased. I can look back on the time we had together and appreciate it for what it was, without wishing that I could have it back. I’ve seen him since (though I don’t see him often, which is probably good) and things have been normal as pie. I’ll probably always feel something for him – I’m certainly still physically attracted to him, for one – but I no longer feel like my heart is broken. And it’s an amazing feeling.

*Disclaimer: He’s not REALLY a bro, but close enough that it’s frustrating.

I have the feeling that this isn’t going to happen until we no longer live in the same city. Hopefully that will occur at the end of May, though if he decides to stick around for another year, that will complicate things.

To show that life is worth living and that one can always learn to love again

Things that help:
-amazing AMAZING friends and especially suitemates
-rekindling my love of flirting (and having it be reciprocated)
-being aware of my needs and taking care of them
-being busy but also getting enough sleep
-knowing that it definitely wasn’t me, it was him
-being a confident and sexy individual

Things that don’t help:
-worrying about him
-the fact that he’s going out of his way to avoid me
-a belief that things could have worked under different circumstances
-being really hung up on how awesome he is
-the fact that he lives in the same house as some of my best friends

you lose, you learn, you live.

:-D

It’s pretty pathetic how I still pine for this guy. I’m tired of feeling like shit & I want to get over him already. I’m not crying as often and I try not to think about him so much. I don’t know what I ever saw in him…I think it was because I really wanted things to work out & put all of my energy into the relationship. Unfortunately, the feelings eventually were not mutual..bastard – ha! At least I’ve managed to keep my sense of humor. I’ve read these postings about getting over a broken heart and I’ve seriously questioned why people (including myself) even bother. What the hell is wrong with us!? Are the rewards really worth it if it turns out okay? Ugh, the idea of getting into another relationship right now makes me feel tired just thinking about it. I read in a book how instinct and fear are signals to saving your life. Turns out about 12-15 items on a 20 item list were signs that my exfiance exhibited, similar to the ones that abusive men who eventually lead to killing their significant others. Whew – missed that one by THAT much. What a jerk…and what an idiot I am for even wasting my love on a guy who definitely doesn’t deserve it.
I find running/exercising and pushing yourself physically does wonders for controlling depression and anxiety. Starting is by far the hardest part, but there is NOTHING else that has helped my mood more than exercising; so please give it a try, start slow and then gradually build your regimen. You’ll start to look better, but even more important, you’ll feel better.

1. Exercise to your heart’s content
2. Don’t listen to any sappy love songs
3. Stay busy no matter what you’re doing
4. Surround yourself with people that are good for you
5. NOW is the time to concentrate on what makes YOU happy, not him/her. If they were willing to hurt you by breaking up with you, they’re not worth it.
So here’s one for anyone that’s ever gotten their hearts broken: “Goodbye to You” by Patty Smyth

Sometimes things just end.

It takes sometime.

sigh.

what to do?

still, sometimes i just cant help but sigh and feel my heart sink to the bottom of my chest.

one doesn’t know what’s right or what’s wrong. who or what to trust. i think the best thing is to just lock up all one’s got inside of oneself into an airtight box that can’t be opened back up. but unfortunately one can’t control emotions. they just need time to realize that it will never be the same again. at that point, they’ll gladly walk drag themselves into the box and weep for eternity, so one don’t have to.

until then, good luck to me. i hope i heal the wounds inflicted upon me.