The future is…well, completely uncertain. There are two ways we can go, divorce or to reconcile. I believe both will bring me more pain. I think divorce will bring me greater pain initally, and will get better after a few years post divorce. Reconciliation (which is what I want), although less painful, will be painful over a longer period of time. The winning back of trust, issues with intimacy, sex, etc. I’ll be paranoid and worried. I’ll be always be wondering if it will happen again. I feel like if we really worked at it, we might be reasonably happy after 6-8 years.
Worrying about the future is pointless. I feel like I need to mentally prepare for each option, but I don’t think there is any real way to. I must focus on the present, the now, today. That’s all I can control…what makes me happy today. 15 months ago
My wife cheated on me with several men for the last year and a half. We separated, and now she is living in an apartment with her latest affairee. All of the men were a different race than her and I. She says she loves me but she’s not attracted to me anymore. She also said that I did nothing wrong, and that she has all the problems. I see this behavior as a rebellion against her people pleasing nature, her low self esteem, and missed opportunities from us being together for so long. We’ve known each other since high school, we’ve been married for 7 years, and we’ve known each other for 15.
She’s the light of my life, my everything. I love her inside and out. I feel like I could never get over her, and I would love her till the day I died. I miss her so much it hurts.
We’ve been separated for a month and a half. I’m not pursuing her, because I want to give her space to figure out what she wants. I don’t want to beg and plead because that would make me less attractive and weak. “If you love something, set it free; if it comes backs it’s yours, if it doesn’t, it never was.” That’s the way I see it.
Until the day comes where she comes back or wants a divorce, I’m working on me. It’s the only thing I can control, because I can’t control her. I’m going to make me the best me I can be. I’m improving mentally, physically, and spiritually. I’m working to make myself irresistable. I’m going to date and see other women, but she’s the only one I want. 15 months ago