be more talkative

I’m always on the computer being a cs major. I rarely get the chance to go out and talk to ppl I feel like I forgot how. I’m going to try to get out more often but school projects make it difficult.

I can be talkative if and when I want to, but lately I’ve been lethargic to starting or contributing to any conversation. I have no problem communicating with people over topics I have great interest in, i.e. music, books, etc. however there are times when I find myself stuck, at a loss for words and even paranoid. I worry about being judged for the things I say and the way I say them. However, lately I’ve tried strategies to ease the tension. I keep reminding myself that I shouldn’t keep my mind so preoccupied with assumptions of what others may or may not think of me.

Yes! I talked to one new person today. An ER Physician. I had some questions for him about his job and how much he worked. The conversation went for ten minutes and I wanted it to last longer but then he had to run somewhere. But overall I think it went well. I am trying to apply some concepts mentioned in Dale Carnegie’s book including taking genuine interest in people, making them talk about themselves, smiling and saying people’s first name. Have to talk to another new person next week!

I am shy, introverted and not very social. I wish to improve on these skills. I am very good professionally, but socially I feel inadequate. I feel that the main problem I have is communicating with people. I am comfortable talking to only certain types of people, I am not sure how to define those people but in general I have noticedthat they are people who like talking to me and with whom I find something common. I am not very good at initiating conversation with new people. I am always fishing in my mind about topics. I dont feel the natural flow of topics that other talkative people do. Indeed they amaze me as they jump from one thing to another and I find myself standing there wondering how they are able to do that.
I think I care too much about what people think. I am sensitive to rejection. I only want to say perfect things. I dont want to utter anything wrong out of my mouth that will make me look stupid. I think this puts too much pressure on me. Sometimes I dont say silly things that I want to, even though they may be funny. I now realize that this is not a realistic way to talk to people. Indeed people who talk a lot dont always talk about interesting stuff. I dont wish to babble though but I certainly need to say more than I do at the moment.
In order to improve my skills of talking I have come up with a plan. I think the only way to do this is to practice and not be disappointed by failures. I need to initiate conversation with new people and see how it works out. Also the more people you talk to, the more topics you will have when you talk to the next person. Isnt that what most people do? I call it Transference of topics from people to people. It should become a never ending stream of things to talk. However I understand this will be difficult in the beginning as I begin to increase the number of people I will talk to slowly. I will try to talk about anything I can think of, of course firstly starting with something common or general. I will not care about what they think about me or what opinion they make of me. I should understand that I will not be able to talk to everyone as all personalities dont click. However you cannot find that out until you talk to someone. I will try to keep reservations aside and talk to those people as much as I can. This will be difficult and i will constantly have to come up with something to talk about. I will limit the conversation to 30 minutes with each new person. I will try to talk to one new colleague ( I have many in my work setting that I havent talked openly to) every week. I will try to ignore the feelings of being scrutinized. I will try to think of this as practice and learning, and not as making an impression on someone. I will take it as a lesson improving communication. I will post my results at the end of this month. Wish me luck everyone! If anyone is willing to take on this effort with me, they can post here as well. Mutual encouragement can be helpful. Onward with the battle against shyness!

So we were having MMR vaccines done in school today and I found I was able to talk to the nurses a lot more easily. I think I’m becoming more confident :)

I wouldn’t really call myself a very shy person. My problem is that I never really know what to say to people. I can be shy, yes, but it’s usually only around people I don’t know.

Yesterday however I went to a party with my boyfriend. It was his cousin’s 21st so a lot of his family were there. I was really, really nervous at first but as soon as I met a couple of his other cousins who were my age, I was able to talk to them really easily. I don’t know what it was, but I think by just forcing myself to chat and laugh and enjoy myself, I actually DID enjoy myself. You don’t have to be the one constantly doing the talking but instead of replaying with “yeah” or “no”, I actually made myself say something more. Even if it was a little pointless. I asked a lot of questions too, which helped.

It worked for me last night so I’m going to keep trying :) Good luck to anyone else trying to become more chatty!

its gonna be hard. any tips?

I’ve been reading some of your posts and I’m glad I’m not the only one feeling like I do. I’m self-conscious and always worried about looking stupid and what people think of me and I think this is what makes it difficult for me to talk and think of things to say. It’s silly because I know I think about it far too much and if I didn’t worry about it I’d probably find it easy to talk to people. I know you don’t click with everyone in life, that’s just the way it is, but I wish I was one of those people who could just natter away to anyone. Don’t get me wrong, I have friends and find it easy to talk to them and various other people that come into my life, but a lot of the time in work situations or within a group I just find it tricky and think they wouldn’t be interested in anything I have to say so I don’t say it, or think that I’ll sound stupid. I know it’s a confidence thing, I know I think about it far too much but how do I change it?? I just wish I didn’t worry so much about what other people think of me, it’s stupid.

How do I even start this?

I am known to be a very quiet person. And in fact, I am. I am very calm, and I rarely ask for attention. Most of the time, I don’t talk because I just don’t know what to talk about. Sometimes, I would like to talk about a subject that is important to me but I feel that other people will find it boring, so I just give it up. I would like that to change. I would like to be able to talk about anything, anytime with who ever is there. And to make this change, I don’t know where to start. ANy ideas, comments?