Still not initiated.. any thing from my side… 1 week ago
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www.mormon.org/jesus-christ Jesus Christ offers to us the gift of repentance and forgiveness...
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I find that not only are traumas really prevalent in my life but also grudges. I am starting to learn how to let go whenever I feel angered and wronged by someone. I’ve always understood people and their mistakes. Or at least for five years or so I have. I understand people thoroughly so I am using that logic I’ve garnered to try to assess and assuage the situations and come to peace with them. “Everybody makes mistakes” is trite and stupid but very true, and while many of my traumas are more than just other’s “mistakes,” I need to realize that the whole of it doesn’t matter. It matters so much and it matters too much and I need to hold onto myself, find strength and courage and balance. Once something is done, it is done. I don’t need to keep everything alive.
And I’m starting not to. 4 weeks ago
- Oct. 5, 2013
Interesting how so many times my own expectations of others – especially when they let me down – is actually a reflection of what I’m trying not to see in myself!
It’s happened only a frightening number of times, when I look hard at how I may be having the same shortcomings! Fortunately, it’s happened so many times, that I might start learning to not fear what is hiding within, (and within others)!! It seems we may share a great many of the same ‘demons.’ (Perhaps we are much more similar than different. And maybe our similarities are more improtant than our differences.)
The more I think of it, the more this quote rings true:
“Most of us take on faith only what is unimportant to us.” ~Mignon McLaughlin The Neurotic’s Notebook
. 2 months ago
It’s so difficult, but it’s getting less and less difficult as time goes on. Time has seldom been a healer for me, because I sit in my emotions for so long, and they seem to embolden. My heart and mind work like this: in marathons and fire. I am trying to embrace the water—calm and patient; flexible.
Anyway, I’ve been forgiving her. I’ve been forgetting her. My second trauma. The PTSD art I have been doing has helped more than I thought it would, and time, yes time, I can now allow time to help instead of hurt. I am getting to the point where I could thank her for the experiences. She was abusive, and I was abused, but I grew from it and began to learn from it that I am becoming able to say no. 2 months ago
It keeps pecking at me, that small memory of helping a little old lady with her landscaping; probably planting flowers.
Soon I was joined by a local church youth group and a man I barely knew. Did they exit the van slowly, collect on the other side for a minute, or did I just imagine it afterward?
I was happily expecting some smiles, but instead got the cold shoulder.
I’d expected better from a church group.
But I’ve been to church; I know it’s filled with human frailty.
I imagine I just stole their thunder. They probably planned it for weeks. Then I, (that guy), beat them to the punch.
It’s been too many years already; I’ll try to come to peace with it.
. 3 months ago
Every day I can, I will identify a wound given to me from someone and how it has made me stronger. I will write down what I gained from the experience (but I will not write down the experience itself) and create something new with it. I will then pick one tab for the thing I need most that day and do something a little extra for myself that involves it, (eg laughter, watch a comedy, even if I have to watch it alone.)
Hopefully I’ll start making peace. 5 months ago
I already have so many BIG goals, so this will be the last big one for a while. I do not want to get overwhelmed.
I already have “forgive & love myself,” and in the entry I mentioned forgiving my past—but I think it requires a goal all its own.
I think I am scared of forgiving the people who have been unkind and/or abusive to me because I feel then I would like to open those chapters of my life again—
I’ve done it so many times. And I need to realize that I need to keep boundaries and self respect in mind and not go back to them. I can forgive without going back. I can forgive without going back. I can forgive, I can forgive…
It just hurts so much and I feel like so many of them have exacerbated or even force fed my illnesses to me, and I need to remember they are not in my life anymore. I am physically free from them, and so my mind will follow, and I’ll learn to respect my past and value it but not bow to it. Not bend to it. Not even embrace it—just acknowledge it, and be free. 6 months ago
He remembers – feign-ignorance my ass. Creep.
No apology; nothing.
“Hello, it’s been too long.”
(Maybe it hasn’t!)
Edit: Actually, I did consider it ¾-hour prior; as he seemed fairly saddened by other, perhaps simialar things, (though he seemed maybe a tad self-centered, [then again, if many fingers are pointed at you, I guess one may begin to think that way.])
. 6 months ago