forgive

Myself, Myself.

Specifically, I would like to forgive Ben for the times he has wronged me and move on. I would like to forgive anyone who has ever hurt me in my life. I don’t really plan on forgiving these people face to face or anything like that, but to forgive them from within and let it go. I don’t want to hold grudges against people anymore, no matter how much I have been hurt. I want to be at peace with others so I can be completely at peace with myself. I will consider this goal accomplished when I no longer harvest bad feelings towards others.

How do you forgive people who aren’t sorry and won’t stop the behavior? A favorite song of mine says “forgive and forget, relieve and regret”. I have forgiven certain people a kazillion times over. I have forgiven life in general a million times over. The minute I start to believe in life, I get knocked down again. So until then I will just continue to live my “privileged, blessed, lucky” life. I am tired of getting up and trying again, but alas…I am much too strong and too much of a survivor and a fighter to do anything any different. Why can’t I just be a quitter? Why can’t I be a weak person, why can’t I be demure and frail? Those people have it so much easier. If you are not weak, you are “intimidating”, thus the great b word. Can’t win! Be walked on or if you stand up for yourself, you are causing drama.

I know it will be very rewarding to manage this…loads of anger, frustration and pride to get through first though.
but I can see that that is what is in my way…so that’s my first step!!!

A little while ago a guy friend of mine said something disrespectful and rude to me and I got mad and I wasn’t in contact with him for about 3 1/2 months. We’d had a fight and I yelled at him and said some really hurtful things, but I was happy that I’d said them, but I couldn’t stop thinking about him! Everything reminded me of him! It was insane. I felt really bad becuase when I’d gotten mad I’d lied and told him that I have a boyfriend, which I don’t, becuase I knew that that’s what would hurt him most. He was really sad and jealous and wouldn’t stop talking about me. My friend spends ALOT of time with him, and evidentally I’m all he talked about! I was flattered, but I still couldn’t forgive him for what he’d said… I had known that he had a crush on me, but more and more it had seemed like he was in love with me.

On August 13, his birthday, I decided to forgive him… a little bit. My friend was with him and I called her and he said more things that just made my blood boil, but I got it under control. I didn’t like sending out all that negative energy! So that day we started texting again. I haven’t seen him since a little after our fight, and we haven’t talked on the phone at all since I yelled at him. Forgiving him was one of the hardest things ever, and I’m still a little bit mad at him, but at least we’re talking now, and I don’t hate him anymore…!

It feels good to forgive people, even though our relationship will never be the same we’re “friends” again, and that’s all that really matters!

because as far as mistakes go,
we all make them.

I’m a sinner, a liar, a cheater, a fighter..
We’re all human. We’re all made of flaws.
And we doubtlessly have our shortcomings.
But what makes us different.. is our approach.
Our perception.

Forgive.
Give your forgiveness.
No one is ever unforgivable.

Forgiveness has always been a difficult concept to grasp, and I don’t think that’s exclusive to ME, I think EVERYONE feels that way at times. I haven’t been able to forgive myself for some of the terrible things I’ve done in the past. But I’m working on it. It’s hard to forgive friends who lie about stupid things or ask inappropriate questions, too. But I’m working on it. I’ve never been close to my father. I’m working on THAT, too. I know it isn’t impossible to forgive. I think the first step is learning to let go.

she’s a bitch. why would i want to forgive such a total bitch? struggling for motivation….

The more time passes by, the more I live, the more I understand the behavior of those who hurt me. I can see that it’s basically ignorance in its authentic sense, ignorance when we just don’t know things in life that aren’t really our direct fault. We don’t know how to act with people, we don’t know how we affect them, we don’t know some consequences for our actions, etc. Life teaches us those things, but first we need to make some mistakes, unfortunately. The more time passes by, the more calmly I can look back & analyze why this or that person did me wrong. Through understanding we can step on the way of forgiveness.

I really loved our chapel service today. Forgiveness. It helped me a lot. It’s not her fault, and everything she has even when she brags about it, she has earnt it, so i am happy for her