confess

one of my brother’s friends killed himself. I’m trying to encourage him to go to counseling as one of his other friends killed himself 7 months ago. He is still recovering from this. My brother was in his friend’s house when it happened and they all thought that he just went outside for a smoke, it happened that quickly. I’m so worried about him. 1 month ago

Was sprayed by some certain ants with acid and in my arrogant way I went to the anthill and messed with it. I had always loved ants, was fascinated as a kid. But yet I did it knowingly. I’m a motherfucking coward 43thingers. 1 month ago

I masturbate. 1 month ago

My subconscious constantly thinks about sex, while my better psyche does not: 1 month ago

I lied to some good honest friends and felt ashamed. 1 month ago

I Wrote ‘Fuck You God’ on the pages of the Bible because agod had killed my Great Grandma’s Dog on Christmas Day. 1 month ago

D* Do you love Daddy more than he loves you?
*M I don’t know. Why do you say that?
D* You always put your arms around him and rub his feet and back
even when he’s a grump and being horrible.
*M People have different personalities, they show love indifferent
ways.
D* Are you pretending? I think you must be.
*M Sometimes.
D* Would you be mad if i didn’t get married? It looks like hard
work.
*M Of course not, it’s outdated anyway.
D* Thank God. Would you be mad if i had a girlfriend?
*M No. Do whatever makes you feel right.
D* Not to kiss or anything.
*M Ok.
D* Boys are weird.
*M I suppose they are.
D* and stupid and they say nasty things.
*M Sometimes they just need you to smile at them, they’re
insecure.
D* Jesus!
*M You’re not allowed to say that!
D Sorry. 1 month ago

Tomorrow night i’m performing with my friend H at a fetish night in Dublin, really looking forward to it though secretly glad the dress code is “corsetry” as well as pvc and leather (Pvc is hot,hot,hot when performing and I don’t really enjoy wearing it) . We’re staying for the party and going to the meet and greet before hand. 3 months ago

To being excited about leaving my family (including my children) for a few days on Thursday to visit beautiful Rome again :). 4 months ago

my son to his new student house in Belfast tonight. My husband didn’t bat an eyelid, didn’t wish him well on this new part of his life, didn’t even say goodbye or answer him when we were leaving..he lay on sofa whole time watching football and talking to the tv as we were gathering things and getting ready to go. No. There is no falling out between them….he was just oblivious and didn’t seem as if he gave a fiddler’s fudge. I visualised myself smashing the tv with a baseball bat and then finishing it off on his head, watching his brains ooze out then thought about what a major clean up i would have to do after that. (I’m only a violent person in my head!)

Anyway, we had a happy spin to Belfast and a good conversation. He told me he was worried about leaving us all with Dad.

I tried not to show the shock in my face and even managed to stifle a scream when i saw the state of the kitchen (2 of the other boys have been there since….wait for it…... yesterday! and oh holy freakin Moses it looked like they’d been there a frickin month!)

Anyway, it’s done now…i cried coming home in the car.. ..happy and sad i suppose. i asked my mum to look after him. 4 months ago

of looking after everybody and worrying about them. I feel guilty about being sick of looking after everybody. 5 months ago

has just had the worst/most devastating kind of blow to her life and family. I feel so much disgust for her husband that i am finding it hard to keep it in. I am not a violent or aggressive person but feel like i could justify violence towards him (i know it’s wrong!) Why is it that the same people seem to get horrific hurt time after time? Do they/we attract it as has been suggested to me? 5 months ago

a trip down South with my husband… He surprised me with it as he thought we needed some time alone together :O

One of the many enlightening conversations in the car as we travelled to our destination – about 150km in and driving at 30mph:

W: Husband, do you want me to drive for a while so that you can relax and take it easy.

H: (Slows down to 20mph to look at me with raised eyebrows) Are you mad woman? If you were driving i wouldn’t be RELAXED. We don’t have a brake pedal in the passenger side and you think you’re Jensen Button!!..... Are you saying i’m driving too slow?

W: No! i just thought you’d like a rest.

H: Do you think i’m boring?

W: ofcourse i don’t! Are you bored with me? I could maybe try something more exciting when we have sex, what do ya think?

H: Jesus! How the x%x!! did you get onto sex?

W: Em…i don’t know.

H: I had sex with Lara F%^!!ing Croft last night and twice last week i had sex with a prostitute and a school girl! For once it would be nice to just have sex with you!

W: Em…ok. Will i put on the radio?

H: No, sure sing instead. 6 months ago

stripper twice today…. it made me quite agitated.

Conversation 1 – The Mercantile Hotel, Dublin. Lunch with an agent/promoter who is organising venue/advertising etc for our Burlesque show.

P: So, now we have most things sorted how about we go up to my
hotel room and make a few deals that will benefit us both.
(puts hand on my thigh)

ST: (removing hand off thigh) I don’t make deals in hotel rooms i
i make them over lunch. Email me the details and we’ll get it
finalised.

P: Now, i think we could become good friends and come to an
enjoyable and entertaining arrangement.

ST: I think you’ve arrived at an unfortunate misunderstanding.
Thank you for your time and the lunch.(Gets off chair, to leave)

P: Sit down, i didn’t mean to offend you, it’s just you’re a
stripper and my business partner thought you would be
accommodating. Also you look like you’d like sex.

ST: (holding in the urge to punch his face but smiling sweetly) I
would like sex. Just not with an ass h*le like you. Ever.
By the way, i’m not a stripper, i don’t grind my ass on
someone’s crotch so that they get a hard on.^anymore I am a
striptease artist with more emphasis on the tease than the
strip and just so you know just because someone takes off
their clothes for entertainment purposes does not mean that
they jump into bed with anyone or that they are easy. It’s
gentlemanly to treat someone with respect no matter what their
occupation.

P: Look, I’m sorry. It won’t happen again.

Conversation 2: My daughter went to her first community end of term disco tonight, it was arranged by two of the schools in the area. I was leaving her to it with her friends and collecting her.

D: Mum, you don’t have to collect S now.
LS: Oh, why?
D: Her mum says she’s not allowed to go in the car with you
because you’re a stripper and you were in the newspaper in
your underwear.
LS: Holy Moses are you kidding me?
D: No that’s what S said. her mum’s paying for a taxi instead.
LS: Ok, well what can we do eh?
D: I wouldn’t worry mum, i think her mum’s just jealous..and
stupid.
LS: Just forgt about it and remember it’s not S’s fault so don’t
make her feel bad about it.
D: (shocked) I would never do that!
LS: Good

For the record…there was a great article about how much we raised for charity along with that photo AND i was fully clothed…the only bare skin was shoulders! 7 months ago

D: Mum, what’s a prostitute?
LS: Someone who gives sex in return for money.
D: Are prostitutes bad?
LS: It depends on the person. Most people are
prostitutes in some way or another.
D: Is it wrong to be a prostitute?
LS: It’s a job for most people who do it, unless they’re made to do
it by someone else, noone should be made do something they
don’t want to do.
D: But is it wrong?
LS: It’s seen as being wrong and a sin, there are worse sins.
D: My friend’s mum is a prostitute, is she bad?
LS: She’s probably a better person and Christian than most people
we know.
D: Phew! i thought you were going to tell me i can’t hang around
with her.
LS: You can take her to tea so i can meet her.
D: Cool! 7 months ago

i was at a wedding yesterday. My Dad’s girlfriend’s daughter got married. I get on well with his girlfriend (he also has a couple of other girlfriends on the side) she was a friend of my mums so i know my mum liked her and she has been very good to dad since mum died 14 years ago. Anyway, my Dad gave a speech, it was a beautiful speech, funny and witty and warm and well almost like a “father of the bride” speech….incidentally the real father was there and i felt sorry for him as my Dad’s speech was so much more personal and his wasn’t. I got quite emotional during my dad’s speech (though i think i hid it well), i smiled and clapped even though i could feel tears coming and i didn’t expect to feel that sad and almost like my heart was breaking. I was thinking about mum but i was also thinking about her at a funeral during the week and i didn’t want to cry. 9 months ago

...a couple of weeks ago my 2 very close friends (they know me better than anyone else)and I were having lunch and a chat and we ended up talking about each other’s lives/relationships etc. One of them told me that she thought i was “emotionally detached”....the other then agreed. To say i was shocked and stunned would be an understatement! To add to this i mentioned it to a close friend on 43 and he agreed. I always thought i was a warm,loving and giving person…also i like to touch people…surely emotionally detached people wouldn’t be like this? Bum. 9 months ago