beat depression

i feel so much better now than i did this time a year ago. the antidepressants help SO much. it will be key to see if i can start school again without panic attacks.

i need to stay away from drama, which i hate anyway, and focus on the positive.

hopefully i can ease off the antidepressants within a year.

I’m kicking Depression’s ass, not the other way around.
I journal daily and I’m taking time for myself to figure things out.
I’ve always been a codependent people pleaser who puts others first, but for once in my life I’m focusing on me.
I haven’t been happy for a long time, but I’ve been able to mask it with constant running around and loud music and poor choices in friends. Now, rather than being happy, I want to find contentment. Four months ago, I was at my bottom. I saw no point in getting up and fighting every day. But I don’t want to live like that. I’m finally proactive about my health and well being and I’m doing the necessary things to become well. I’m happy that I’m making these changes at 17, so I don’t have to have a hard life. There are too many beautiful things in the world to miss out on.

Well I went backwards and did the things that made me depressed to begin with. Why did I believe that the person I would give a second chance to would make a change. It didn’t happen, he is still the same no disregards for my feelings. Why me? Is it that seriou? Must it become your agenda to make me feel like a lower than scum? I guess that would I get for believing in you. Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me. I’m so tired of this shit. I just want out the this foolishness. After FAther’s Day I done, I’m sick and tired, I had enough. I just want to be left alone. I plan to start back seeing the therapist.

I can’t remember the last time when I enjoyed myself.
I have been seeing a pycoligyst (i cant spell) and now i have to see a psychitrist (something like that)

I want to die, leave this world, be peacful.
But i am stuck.

I cannot kill myself because it will wreck my perents lives, and i couldn’t do that to them,
And i cant stay because if i do, I’m bringing my family and all my friends down with me.

I was always an appreciative child, Happy to take what was I given and enjoy it. Things changed as i got into my teenage years, and I experienced Severe drug induced psychosis and dillusion, Leading to years of existential depression, I’ve always kept a hold on it, but lately with more time gone by I am breaking down and feeling incredibly helpless. I am prepared to start making positive changes so that I may once again Dance with a grin on my face.

Well on March 13, I had an initial assessment with the pyschologist and she diagnosed me with moderate depression. I always felt I had something wasn’t right because I tend to slump into depressed modes at times. Well Apr. 1 I’m scheduled to have another assessment for medication. I am now taking anger manangement(if you want to know why see my other entries under I hate my ex)and will be having one on one sessions with the psychologist on alternate Fridays. I plan to make the necessary changes to avoid falling into the misery mode.

How do you beat depression when you’re miserable? I mean, It’s Saturday evening, and everybody in my family is sleeping. What the heck am I supposed to do? You know, whenever I’m in the mood to do anything, it’s the wrong time. Sucks.

I’ve had mild to moderate depression for over 5 years. I’ve only occasionally experienced severe depression—most of the time I only feel an undercurrent of sadness that doesn’t really interfere with my chores. So that’s partly why I haven’t done anything about it. Whenever I’m happy I know it’s only temporary and that the depression will come back eventually. Feeling low, self-loathing, self-consciousness and anxiety has become a part of me. I’m afraid that if I don’t do something about it soon, I will never change this.

Its back again and I hate it. My girlfriend has left me now she says Im always down and I make her down. She is probably right. Dont know what to do anymore just know I cant give up need to keep fighting it.

I am still taking 75 mg of Effexor along with supplements, and it’s working very well for me. My attitude toward life is so much more positive. I am starting the New Year in a much better place, no longer a victim of depression.