live with courage

My fear disguises itself in all sorts of ways, mostly as “stress”. I just don’t want to be limited by this, is all. I don’t want it to hold me back, or undermine my intelligence, my will, my imagination, my sense of possibility – my LIFE. I don’t want my sensisitivity to danger to undermine everything my life can and should be. And keeping this open is my task, and I do so by exercising courage, on a regular basis.

I’m not exactly sure how to proceed, but I am standing up to my fear. I keep thinking – this is it! I’m over it! But I guess that’s not how it’s ever going to work. I’ll always need courage, more as life goes on, in fact. So I want and need to learn this now. I need to learn how to stand up to my fear – just stand up, and go through it. Plant myself like a tree, and when all those metaphorical limbs are blowing around as if in a storm, in my own fear, I just wait it out, and plant those roots deeper still.

Every thinking person can see the many reasons to have feelings of hopelessness at times. Obviously, I am hopeful or I just wouldn’t give a damn about what I see. But I need to work on being a more consciously positive person, in spite of what I see going on in the world. But, as Audre Lorde said, “I am the bleak heroism that refuses to be buried alive with the liars” – so I’m not exactly sure how to work this out. I refuse to close my eyes, I refuse to not see what I see, and name it for what it is. IN other words, my goal in life is not “happiness” – its meaning. I don’t care if I’m happy every second – who but a complete and utter nitwit is or could be? How much would you have to deny, avoid, turn a blind eye to?

But I need to believe in myself, and for that, I have to be hopeful that I can learn what I need to learn, and do what I need to do. I need to believe this, so that I don’t waste time stressing over nothing, for no reason.

I want to be productive. Don’t want to waste time, don’t want to waste energy, don’t want to give in, or comply with the lie.

Read Feel the Fear . . . and Do It Anyway by Susan Jeffers: http://www.amazon.com/Feel-Fear-Do-Anyway/dp/0345487427/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1214392902&sr=8-1