think before i speak

I believe that the people contributem for fail this goal because all change every second

I’m out at restaurant in Smalltown USA for business. It’s a real local place. Very friendly. And of course, when you’re traveling, you can’t take home leftovers. But the waiter asks me if I want to take it home. And when I tell her I’m traveling, she continues to press me. “Do you have a refrigerator in your room?

My first thought is usually to give leftovers to the homeless. So my first thought is to ask her if their are any homeless around?

Yeah, wouldn’t that have been a moment?

But I didn’t say it. I heard it in my head and thought, ew, that could go very wrong.

Yay for me!

But can’t you just play that one out in your head?

Okay I used to do this a while back and people thought I was crazy. If you haven’t noticed I care what people think. But it’s an art that requires a lot of practice.

I am utterly without tact, and as I’ve grown up with this habit, this trait seems both the hardest to acknowledge and the hardest to change. When I’m called out on my inability to process thought before I speak, my reaction is never to look forward to the progress which I could make if only I should in actuality think before I speak. Instead, I just become convinced that I am a horrid person and that logically any and all other individuals should never choose to associate themselves with such an abomination. I isolate myself and I demean myself; the problem is forever perpetuated and I don’t know how to get out.

I know what I think, when I hear what I say.

My friends recently confronted me and told me that I was being really mean to everyone and pretty much gave me an ultimatum, “Be nice to your friends or don’t have any.”

I didn’t even know I was being mean, but looking further into the situation I realized that I say the first thing that pops into my head without thinking who it will offend. I’m really trying to catch myself but it’s really hard to do. I have to censor everything I say.

God I hope I break this habit.

There is an interesting book I just found called When to Speak and When to Shut Up

It is religiously based, but is still sage reading for the non-religious.

I haven’t made much progress since I made this one of my goals. I still open my big mouth and say things that I don’t mean… or I say something without thinking first and then I’m left wondering… did I say that out loud? I really need to work on this before I alienate the entire world.

Can I ever truly accomplish this goal? Perhaps. But then it is always going to be a work-in-progress.

“I didn’t say everything that I said.”
- Yogi Berra