think before i speak

but I did well at it the other day, and am doing better in general. I need to have more awareness of my own talking. Like breathing, it often seems to happen without me even realizing it.

I listened compassionately, considered carefully, breathed deeply, and stood my ground. I diffused conflict with grace. I am proud!

Had to do some very careful talking yesterday, and will have to do so again today. Trying to resolve some conflict between a student and teacher at work, and I have to start laying teachers off too. Very difficult. Luckily, it’s not too hard to think before I speak in these contexts because I know the pitfalls that lie in wait for me there. But it’s easy to say the wrong thing still, and being silent is not an option. I’m nervous about it.

.........

I think this is now going quite well. I still haven’t managed complete control over my outbursts but I’m definitely getting better, and if I do say something I wish I hadn’t this just reminds me to edit future comments.
What is helpful is thinking about why I’m going to say something, is it going to add to the conversation or is it just because I like the sound of my own voice?

I just realized I have three goals relating to my style of verbal communication! This is a sensitive point for me. I think this goal – think before I speak – is key to the other two (say exactly what I mean, and talk less, say more).

But not easy. I hear yogis often take a vow of silence because it’s the only way to practice this. That seems extreme – and is not possible in my current job. What to do?!

this was a lot harder than I thought it would be, stuff just kept coming out of my mouth before I even realised it.
But since I was thinking about it anyway I spent more time reviewing what I said after the fact which was good. I only said one thing that was completely wrong, and not what I meant, and I took it back so I suppose that’s not too bad really.
I will continue attempting to count to 5 for the rest of the week. Hopefully I will improve.

so far I have only said one thing today and it was pretty average, maybe a bit grumpy. For the rest of today and tomorrow I’m going to count to 5 before I say anything and see what happens.

On Friday, someone said something to me that seemed cruel and played on some of my vulnerabilities. This is someone at work with whom I’ve argued before at times of stress. I saw red and opened my mouth to protest but stopped myself before I said anything and just walked out. I don’t think walking out on the conversation was the most graceful way to handle it – but I’m really proud of myself for not engaging in an argument, for stopping the words before they came out of my mouth.

I still haven’t turned this into a complete habit yet(I’ve really only done it a few times). It probably won’t be leaving my to-do list anytime soon. But I’m going to try to think about it like I’m going to complete it of scratch it off my list tomorrow. :)