love myself first

Your task is not to seek for love but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.

-Rumi

To My Higher Self

I bless my Higher Self and ask that
the way be made clear for
the Divine Plan of my life
now to come to pass.

For me to fill the place
that only I can fill
and no-one else can fill.

For me to do the work
and the things that only I can do.

I ask that all doors now
be made open
and all channels free for endless
avalanches of abundance
to be poured upon me
from unexpected sources.

I ask that all the above come to pass
immediately, Under Grace
and in a perfect way.

Thanks be to God.
Adonnai.

From this website

Love myself first…. as I am…. if I want this kind of love….. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jJOzdLwvTHA

Certainly, I will FIRST have to take me the way I am …. before anyone else can….

I’ll give you my sweater
I’ll buy you Rogaine
I’ll find a match

.....

I don’t know what has finally done it.
Maybe many factors such as:
-spending time with my siblings (totally new and fun phenomenon)
-making a concerted effort to be myself arround my parents and to mean what i say
-taking the wheel in all my other relationships and being the best freind i can in each situation, really listening… all the good stuff.
-Letting go of things that don’t work for me (bad freindships, anxious habits and hobbies). I found that if it is really important, you ache to go back, and otherwise, it only hurts for a while… like a bandaid. I can’t keep doing things because other people need me to!

I feel so special and so lucky for all the things i’ve gone through and been exposed to good and bad! I am a much better girlfreind as a result… i’ve let go of my anxiety (FINALLY!!!!) and even though there are bumps in the road, i know i can handle it, and that i am a good person with a circle of freinds and family who will support me!

I never would have expected this revelation! But all the hard work is totally worth it!

that i can change old habits and find compassion for myself to love myself because i deserve love, not in spite of other’s or in spite of my ‘flaws’. I have to get to a place where i love all the parts of me and keep the internal power struggles to a minimum. I can’t import love enough to feel fulfilled or to sustain a quiet mind. I have to learn to be whole and happy on my own first.

As much as i love being in relationship, i can’t be a loving partner if i’ve got a hidden emmotional agenda. I know that to be true but right now, i’m pretty hartbroken and bittersweet about this realization.

I’m living my best these days.
I’m learning how to be happy.
I’m learning to look for love inside instead of asking for it from someone else.

I need to take a break from i love you’s until i learn how to mean them without contingencies.

I am just starting to learn that loving yourself first is actually one of the most selfless things you can do for the people around you and the universe..finding happiness for yourself is the greatest gift and living as your higher self…I have to always remember that…worry, fear, anxiety..it doesn’t mean anything…happiness doesn’t just fall from the sky or is a stroke of luck..it is something you need to work hard at…and be vigilant with…be vigilant with you own happiness..it’s your responsibility to find it and keep it

are difficult waspy people.

They like the idea of saying i love you, but they don’t really like the idea of ‘loving’ the way i conceptualize it.

That is to say. I love unconditionally.

I always feel hampered, insincere and just plain offended when i am arround them. I try and try to trust them, to beleive that they really want to hear what i’m saying… and ‘talk’ like people do, without trying to come to a revelation but it may happen.

I always feel like i’m on trial.. or like i’m pushing beyond their comfort zones. this sucks.

I realized that with my mother.. i don’t really like being arround her… so i tend to just TALK INCESSANTLY.

I hate that.

Or i’ll be on the phone with her and end up playing her catty/gossipy game just to feel like we are ‘relating’.

THIS IS NOT ME.

I feel like i need to actually stop saying i love you… it is perhaps a choice that will deglaze some of our contacts.

I will stop saying i love you… like its a balm, like it is the bandaid i plaster over the parts of our relationships that make me sad.

I will stop saying i love you to my parents, until i feel like they know me well enough to know that i mean it.

I of all people have ended up with a ‘handshake boyfreind’ the kind of guy who doesn’t really want to express anything, outside of the comfort of his double mattress..

It only re-enforces my own weird comittment phobia. For a year now we’ve been dating, and after a ton of fairly forced ‘i love you’s that shouldn’t have been a big deal, but became a big deal because he would just clam up… (i never said anything because i do, love and cherish him as much as all my other friends and family).

The other day, (albeit in bed) i squeaked.. i love you and actually heard a somewhat muffled ‘i love you too”.

I think its good to just say it, because i mean it, relationship-wise, i’m actually a little freaked out, like someone just turned a switch and all of a sudden we might be ‘serious’ unbeknownst to me.

crap.

ALSO;
i need to talk to my parents more, call them for no reason.
i need to not just call them weekly on the same day, i have to really make an effort to let them know i care about them. They make me nuts, but you gotta start someplace.

This the second part of the injunction(1) involves not only loving your neighbour but also loving yourself, first.

(1)Thou shalt love thy God with all thy heart, all thy soul, all thy mind…