live my life

You praised me for my openness, you said I was so raw as to be naked. It’s true – perhaps in this age of the memory hole and always on info machine, it might not be wise to be so exposed. After all, the next person to google me might be a client, or an employer, or (gasp) my mother!

However, I know of no other way to live. I will not edit or censor myself. I will not lose my pluck. I will not let the bastards win.

I am looking for a job, in the traditional sense, no more of this solo stuff. I can’t handle the gnawing insecurity, the sense of dread that follows from not know when I’m going to have another client.

It’s hard to live life when you’re not sure if you can make the rent.

It allowed me to refocus and drive my energies into work stuff, on behalf of people who have actually not screwed me. On the whole, I am in a happier, more productive place than I was before. I am living on my terms, where there are no closets, no restraints, no obstacles.

I nearly lost it after one disatrous work week. This is real life, without a net.

I stumbled, but stayed on the tightrope.

A couple clients tried to screw me out of some money. One I got tough with, the other, more serious one, I am about to get tough with. Money problems are so acute sometimes, that they blind you to the important things. This was that kind of week.

I fell back into some old self-destructive habits when it felt like all hope was lost. I am taking this weekend to recharge. Come back Monday morning with a vengeance and work my cases, get new clients, and return to living my life!

I have my ups and downs. I am on my own, living on my own terms, and finding the peace and joy (and terror) of living my life.

I have spent so much of my life either pleasing (or my often, deliberately displeasing) someone else, that I could not please myself. I have lived a life of fear and shame.

No more. I am my own man, whatever that means. I want to be healthy and happy. I want to speak my truth, without fear or shame. I will focus on myself for a while, because focusing on the needs of others has gotten me nowhere thus far.

And I will emerge anew.

Hey everyone! I am the kind of person that if a challenge arises, i fight it and love the challenge!! I have many MANY goals in my life, and im only like, 16!! But life is shorter than we think, so if you have something you have always wanted to do or say, GO AHEAD and DO IT!! =]. eg-’Hey Jayce, i’ve always found you HOT!!’ or “Honey, seeing that we have a day off work…..want to go SKYDIVING OFF THE SYDNEY HARBOUR BRIDGE??!!”
Always put yourself and your family first before work, and enjoy the time you have together!L♥VE, LAUGH and LIVE!!

Limited by fear, limited by money, limited by a lot of things. Always answering to someone else, always in someone’s shadow.

Not anymore, world, not anymore. Gonna live my life.

I forgave those who harmed me. I let go of all grief, and anger, and decided I should start off from scratch. There is nothing worse than hating someone for all the harm they did in the past, it felt so great to forgive and say its ok. I recommend this, if there is anyone you would want to forgive, do it!, it will not only make you feel better, but it will set that person free from guilt, and make you a better person.

Today I saw my ex-husband, and for a minute I hated him, he’s doing good which makes me glad, he’s staying out of my way too, he did a lot of damage in my life, more bad than good. But honestly, I thought to myself, why should I even waste my time hating, its not a good thought, and I promise myself to be happy that Im alive, and I have the chance to redo my life, and yes I am happy, I smile everyday ( I always do) and I promise, I will not let the bad past damage my good present and my promising future. I promise.

And my purpose is to start controlling my own life, because at the end, its not my parents, my friends, or anyone else who is going to live it. Its me. And I am tired of being afraid, and letting so many opportunities slipped because of my fear of what “they” may think…

Today my purpose is to go for it…